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    dots Submission Name: Drinking her indots

    Author: layDsayD
    ASL Info:    29/f/florida
    Elite Ratio:    3.16 - 264/243/147
    Words: 69
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 433
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 418

       a lil something new since ive been gone so long

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    dotsDrinking her indots

    She is sweet to taste
    Like raspberry liquor.
    The room smells like burning leaves
    There is comfort in her nakedness
    Like a road well traveled, and yet still new
    She is my midnight sky , my quite ocean
    Her breaths are like music, sweet rhythm
    Our nights are like a constant prayer
    I am forever on my knees, bowing.
    So near and still so far above me

    Submitted on 2006-08-10 23:02:05     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like all the descriptive language you used in this one. I think the word 'nakedness' just doesn't quite seem to fit with the rest of the words you've chosen, but that's just me.

    This piece conveys the mood and sets the scene very well, it creates strong images, as it was no doubt meant to.

    Nice job.
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by blackrainbow | [ Reply to This ]

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