What if this really is as good as it gets? by LossOfHope03

I have always been the happy person. The last person anyone would suspect would be unhappy. The last person to know what it feels like to be sad. But I guess colors are just here in the world and in people's personalities to just hide the darkness. But what if this really is as good as it gets? What if no matter how much I don't want to be sad and angry, I always will be angry? What if I have to spend the rest of my life pretending to be this overly happy person when all I really wanna do is just scream and cry until someone realizes that things don't just roll off me. Things people say and do to me have a lasting affect. What if no matter what it will always be like this? Even if I tell people, which I've started to a little, but I still don't quite understand my unhappiness so it makes talking about it pretty difficult, and I often find that I feel foolish and stupid, like a huge joke to whoever's listening. I toss and turn night after night with these questions but I never wake up with any answers. My friend says I should go to a therapist, but if its taken me nearly two years to begin to tell her what's going on, why would I talk to a complete stranger about it? I don't know I just don't feel like its really that important. Like there's people out there starving, and homeless and all this, why am I sitting at my computer complaining to people about how much my life sucks? I mean I feel like it sucks but I don't trust myself enough to understand why. Sorry if this is just a huge waste of time but I just feel so lost, if anyone can relate or doesn't think I'm an absolute idiot or anything please reassure me, because right now I feel like a fool.