I really thought I was stronger than this. I felt like a crack-whore as I searched for one of our old phones. I knew somewhere hidden in one of our closets there had to be one! Why had they done this? Put me on sudden withdrawl from hearing his voice, tasting the acid I called Mason!
The phone read 'out of service' and I knew what it meant. They had unplugged the main receiver, and my goal: re-plug it.
As I creeped up the stairs I couldn't help but feel like I was being watched. Something was laughing at me, and my bloodshot eyes darted to every angle of the room. As paranoid as ever I looked up at the wall to see my becan of hope! My beacon.......was not there.
An empty phone jack occupied the space of my main receiver! Thelaughing was as strong as ever as I started silently overturning objects! Where was it?!
Shamed on my failure I traveled back to my room, leaving the laughter upstairs. I thought it was over, but my other half wasn't about to give up. I briefly remembered our old phones, and found one on the floor, plugged it in, and hoped it would charge in ten minutes!
Within a half an hour the phone hadn't charged at all, and so I began packing. Into my pocket went 4 pencils, and I hugged the notebook under my arm as I prepared to leave, to find somewhere I could speak to him, somewhere to hear his voice! I slammed my bedroom door and walked down the hall, only one thing on my mind! Tonya was up until at least midnight every night, it was 10:30 and I needed the ecstasy, I needed to hear his voice! The house door flew open and I walked outside. It was pitch black but I didn't care! I walked and walked down my driveway, then out of nowhere, there was a car. I tripped on something and fell down at the end of my driveway and the headlights nearly blinded me.
As I heard the car drive away I peered up. I saw nothing, it was pitch black and the moon was the only visible thing. What the hell was I doing?! Was I really that in love with Mason to risk my life and limb?
Dissapointed in myself I walked back to my house, into my room just in time for Sex and the City. As I watched Carrie Bradshaw's Manhattan life, I thought of what it would be like, always having a large pool of men to date. I quickly brushed the thought form my mind and thought of Mason. I was so desperate to hear his voice, it was as if I was addicted. After checking the "charging" phone again, I unplugged it and decided to enjoy the rest of my night with Carrie Bradshaw.
I still couldn't believe I had gone that far. It was as if he was a craving, and I was suffering from withdrawal.
Is addiction to another person really healthy at all?
The next day I was minding my own business when suddenly
"You're up early"
Byron. One word, why!?
"Yea, I'm babysitting"
"How are you and Mason?"
"Fine, he's camping right now"
"I'm going to be really happy when you guys break up"
Of course, here we go
"And why is that?"
"You'll see how it feels"
"They say it takes half the time of your relationship to get over that person. We went out for a week and ahalf, I got over you in 5 days"
"I cut through it for 7 days, you have no idea what I'm going through"
"No, I don't, and I'm glad for it. I'm like a lawyer defending a murderer, I show no feelings of remorse"
And it was true, I had once been addicted to Byron but now I could care less. I think I might've went a little too far though.
"I will never cause my self physical pain to relieve my emotional pain"
"Becuase you're weak"
"I'm the weak one? I'm strong, Byron, I have self-confidence I'm going to make it through"
"Hum, I have enough self-confidence to lift an entire person"
"I doubt that"
"You're probably going to be a farmer the rest of yur life, hun, with the dream of being a writer. I'm going to be on broadway! Who's going to be making all the money? Who's going to be the star? Me"
"I don't care about money, and I don't care aobut being a star. I want to help other people through my writing"
" I can help other people on broadway, I know Idina helped me hun"
I don't remember anything else, but somewhere ther, something struck a chord. I'm pretty sure he had finally moved on, he didn't talk like how he used to, but now he talked with hatred, with......a 'big-ego' attitde. Byron had power, but from where? Was I slinking down, or was he going up?
"Let me put it this way, Dan, when he's in New York City on broadway, you'll be writing for the New York Times" One friend said
All other responses from friends were 'what an ass' or 'kick his ass', but now I'm wondering, why am I obsessing about what he's said? Am I headstrong, obsessing over one negative comment? Or maybe it was just becuase it was coming from him. Why did I even care?