Fading Star by BitterSweetSoul

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Submission Name: Fading Star dots

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Author:	BitterSweetSoul
Elite Ratio:	3.66 - 12/18/13
Words:	123

Class/Type:	Poetry/Venting
Total Views:	147
Average Vote:	No vote yet.
Bytes:	800

Description:

Fading Star dots

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You tore me down
A little more each day
Till I had nothing left
To give or say

Selfish, I've never been
Loving to all of you
But that never counted
This I always knew.

You asked for favor after favor
I never turned you away
But the one time I couldn't help you
You made me pay

I have been destroyed
Used and thrown away
Like I was never here
Like a star beginning to fade

Time consumed my body
Worn from all the years
Destined to surrender
I shed these broken tears

I'm sorry I wasn't perfect
And I can no longer be here
My soul is tired
So I pass on without fear

Submitted on 2006-08-11 12:17:47 Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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||| Comments |||
  This was very well written. The flow was nice, the word choice simple, but great, and the rhyme was good. While reading this, I felt a few different emotions, sorrow, a bit of anger, and apology. Okay that last one really isn't an emotion but it jumped out of the poem like one. I know how you feel though, always doing things for everybody and they still treat you like crap. I finally gave up on being nice and quit doing everything for everybody. If they couldn't be nice to me, then I wouldn't be nice to them. Plain and simple. This was a fantastic write. Keep up the awesome work, and I'll keep reading..

Sweet Blood Vampire
| Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by SweetX_XBlood | [ Reply to This ]
  hey, i liked this one. everyone needs to vent sometimes. when i read this, it kept going through my head as a song, if you were into lyrics, this could easily become that.

I have been destroyed
Used and thrown away
Like I was never here
Like a star beginning to fade

could be like a chours type thing, just stick it in there a few more times. i dont knwo. i liked most all of this one, but my favorate verse was the last two:

Time consumed my body
Worn from all the years
Destined to surrender
I shed these broken tears

I'm sorry I wasn't perfect
And I can no longer be here
My soul is tired
So I pass on without fear

they kind of made the whole thing for me. ive felt that way before, sorry that i cant be what everyone else wants me to be. sorry that i cant fix everythign for them, even though ive tried. sorry for living. but i guess ive realized those people that make you feel htat way, arent worth it. there are those that do make you worthwile, and that everything you do for them is greatly needed and aprishiated. just gotta keep in there. n e way, i liked your write, cant see anything really to fix. you kept the rhyming sequence in all of it except the fourth stanza..."away" and "fade" are not rhyme, and dont really sound like slant rhyme. it fits tho. keep up the good work, ~Nichole
| Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by butterfly_chi5 | [ Reply to This ]
  i like it. the flow was very natural and easy to read.

this seems so heavy, and abused. the ending almost sounds like a resignation to suicide. if that wasnt your intent, perhaps the wording might need altering. but it really sounds like abuse, rape and suicide. i know its titled serious, so i dont really know what else i was expecting.

nice write.
evelyn.
| Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]
  This song in a way sounds kind of like maybe you are or was thinking of suicide and if thats not your meaning then maybe the words should be moved around its a great poems but i would hate to have someone with great artistic ability through it all away just like that....
| Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by melissa_jay14 | [ Reply to This ]

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