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    dots Submission Name: Mother?dots

    Author: Localfreak
    ASL Info:    37, Maybe, Here
    Elite Ratio:    5.37 - 131/123/76
    Words: 133
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1117
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 821

       Don't know, had to write something and I liked the sound of the words and the freeflow form for once..
    should I stick to rhymes?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    The shallow depth of darkness glistens on her lips
    A taste she cannot describe pulsates her ears
    As the howling of welcome pierces the coldness with a shrill choir of meaning
    And terror calls across the stark of dawn

    Insipid though she finds it, she cries for more inside
    To alleviate the pangs of gnawing want
    And the reason born of beauty cannot quell the depths to stay
    Before they burn

    Twinkle shine upon her
    Blaspheme upon her name
    Yet she holds you in her thoughts and you shall not be free

    Her melody alone, distrusts a mind to back
    While the lilting of each footstep bars escape
    So do you understand my friend why some shall call her queen?
    And to us the chosen few, she is matriarch

    Submitted on 2006-08-11 12:20:53     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      the only probelms i found were, you spelt blasphemy wrong, and the last line, the word matriarch doesnt seem to fit.
    by all means do keep wrting freeverse. if you feel comfortable with them, keep going with rhymes.
    like me, you seems to have a little difficulty with the lines and where they should end, but dont let that discourage you. this is a really good piece, and i quite like it.
    perhaps the title doesnt quite fit, but as a working title its fine.
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by eowyn | [ Reply to This ]

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