[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: The Things You Deservedots

    Author: particularshard
    ASL Info:    23/m/DC
    Elite Ratio:    4.21 - 1159/1392/363
    Words: 143
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1345
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 904

       Just a little something for all the Queens out there, especially those who can't see their own beauty.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Things You Deservedots

    You Deserve a Sun that will Shine
    And Show you the Beauty of the world
    Every morning,
    And Set with you in Slumber every night.

    You Deserve an Eagle
    That will soar with your Dreams above the Clouds,
    And Swoop down to Pluck the Rodents that
    Harass you from the very Face of Earth!

    You Deserve a Rock that will support you Unyielding
    Upon which you can build the Mansions of your Future,
    And mine out the the Secret Treasures
    Of Peace and Happiness.

    You Deserve a Flame that will Burn Eternally
    In your Honor,
    Warming you through the Coldest of Storms and
    Lighting your way through the Darkest of Nights.

    You Deserve a Warrior-King
    Who will kneel to Worship
    At the Altar of your Femininity,
    And Conquer all the World in your name!

    Submitted on 2006-08-11 15:07:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Lovely piece. The words seem to be meticulously chosen, to construct these gorgeous, majestic images. As I read it, it reminds me of an orchestral musical score, with a lot of heroic french horns and warm strings apassionato. I particularly like the image of the altar of femininity. It's almost as if you speak of a Goddess, or this creature of inconceivable beauty to be put upon a pedastle. I envy her. Bitch. ;-)
    | Posted on 2006-11-12 00:00:00 | by LadyChaos | [ Reply to This ]
      This was written very well. The flow was nice, and the wording was great. I thought this was very sweet. Telling someone they desever the best in all the world. I know if Iw as told that, I'd feel really special. This was a very good write, I wouldn't change a thing. Keep up the awesome, and I'll keep reading.

    Sweet Blood Vampire
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by SweetX_XBlood | [ Reply to This ]
      you deserve....
    thats an interesting thought to me because while one deserves so much do they ever get what they deserve...
    i mean... if someone deserves something bad it is usually made sure that person gets whats coming to them but if someone deserves all the good things you have listed here in your piece who is going to make sure that this person gets all these things...?

    i like this piece though...
    it really is beautiful
    the way you carve images and place them so that the "queen" cant help but fall in love...

    i must say though that the last line threw me off some...
    i cant decide whether you are saying "am i worthy" or "im higher than all these things..."
    i would rather it be the first myself but yeah...

    this is really well conceived and constructed
    and you know... usually im allergic to verily but in this context of queens and magic and worth i think it fits...
    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, it's about time I got the recognition I am so worthy of! Could you talk to my husband??

    I liked this part best:

    " You Deserve an Eagle
    That will soar with your Dreams above the Clouds,
    And Swoop down to Pluck the Rodents that
    Harass you from the very Face of Earth! "

    The harrassing rodents is such a humorous but apt image. Even us queens have a few rats to deal with from time to time.

    You deserve a gold star!
    Nice job!

    | Posted on 2006-08-11 00:00:00 | by annie0888 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]