Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Perceptiondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Emerging Soul
    ASL Info:    48/VERY female/Wisconsin
    Elite Ratio:    4.36 - 1240/1114/244
    Words: 396
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 1875
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2719



    Description:
       I wrote this to convey my thoughts that 'birds of a feather', or people that have shared similar experiences and emotions in life have an ability to recognize them in others, and that there is a strong pull to "save" the other person when you do. Perhaps by doing so, you heal yourself a bit as well...





    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPerceptiondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Perception

    So many nights
    Crouched against the wall
    Hidden in the shadow of the bed
    The thump of drunken footsteps
    And profanity
    Frightening sounds that echo in his head
    Out of harmís way
    He lies on the floor
    Though comfort and warmth are tough
    After restless hours
    Of toss and turn
    He is able to sleep
    But not enough
    Tip-toed breakfast
    Is scrounged and consumed
    Amid the sounds and smells
    Of whiskey-snores and drool
    A sigh of relief
    He softly shuts the door
    And with a backward look
    He hurries off to school
    His unkempt body
    Is thin and frail
    He shows up early
    Hungry eyes so wild
    His teacher looks and wonders
    As is her habit every day
    Which one of lifeís cruel jokes
    Has happened to this child
    Passing his desk
    She touches him
    With a gentleness he fears
    And his grimy fist balls
    As if to fight
    The dreaded weak of tears
    With heavy sigh
    Each day must pass
    Each season comes and goes
    No hat nor gloves
    For winter chill
    No boots for frozen toes
    She finds herself
    At second-hand stores
    Searching for his size
    Then asking the class
    For ownership
    So that none would be the wise
    She would turn them in
    To lost and found
    If no claim was made
    With hidden smile
    She sets the hook
    As a dirty hand is raised
    Then overlarge lunches
    In her bag
    Too much for her to eat
    Left securely wrapped
    In the garbage tin
    Mere footsteps from his seat
    On the last day of school
    When the final bell rings
    The boy is last to leave
    She is left with the memory
    Of an impulsive kiss
    And a handprint on her sleeve
    Her eyes close softly
    Over tears
    Her heart lurches in her breast
    And she hopes
    That she has taught him
    That not all are like the rest
    And as she leaves the school
    For summer
    And walks slowly down the street
    She feels the rise
    Of the childhood scar
    Upon her cheek
    So many nights
    Crouched against the wall
    Hidden in the shadow of the bed
    The thump of drunken footsteps
    And profanity
    Frightening sounds had echoed in her head
    Out of harmís way
    She's conquered fear
    Though trusting comfort and warmth
    Is tough
    And after restless months
    Of toss and turn
    She hopes sheís done enough





    Submitted on 2004-05-19 13:14:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I know this feeling very well that I want to 'save' the people that go through the same stuff as I did. your poem touched me. I wouldn't change a thing. it's great.
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by eve1684 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well you hooked me. I thought it was going to be another depressing woe is him, but when you turned the teacher on there it became quite emotionaly challenging. I don't have any specific recomendations, but as you read it over if you see anything you feel you could remove, shortening it may make it better.
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]
      Tears are actually streaming down my face. I agree this is very powerful and moving. (I also have trouble with long poems, but this held me.) To polish, I would suggest going back over the lines for rhythm, changing some wording to make it flow better.
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by Amelit | [ Reply to This ]
      that is beautiful. i am speechless.usually long poems are hard for me to focus on, but this one kept me reading, like a good story. amazing.
    Star
    | Posted on 2004-05-19 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    11412

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry