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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: On This Beach.dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: fabulousAMY
    ASL Info:    21/Female/CA
    Elite Ratio:    2.97 - 159/159/61
    Words: 148
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 189
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 993



    Description:
       It's kind of about coming to age and the inspiration of other poets(obviously this one talks about Dover Beach by Mathew Arnold).


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOn This Beach.dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Corset unlaced, hair undone.
    Breaths come quickly and go.
    Exultation, oh youth, oh love!
    Young love, ah, let us grow true.
    This beach's cadence beats like a heart,
    But with a more sorrowful note.
    Like that witnessed by Mathew Arnold,
    Or Sophocles before him on the Aegean.
    We bask in our youthful beauty,
    Our flushed cheeks and wild spirit.
    As the ebb and flow sings misery.
    We sit in our new world full of dreams.
    Kissing, full lips, batting, full eyelashes.
    Nubile, attractive and boyish, debonair,
    Such a perfect match in this old world.
    We listen to the waves break,
    The advice of tides is pessimistic,
    That we will know pain too well.
    The waves break on the beach,
    Our hearts break with the waves.
    A joyous moment gone with our breaths.
    We lay on the beach, close and intimate,
    Young and afraid, living in poetry.





    Submitted on 2006-08-12 04:04:27     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      It's a well written poem but with little depth.

    You leave no surprises there, you tell the whole story.

    Think about cutting and slashing many of the useless words and start working with what's left; you might hit some essence, some spirit and leave the reader some guessing and the use of his fantasy and his/her experiences to interprete.

    And then, for the love of easy reading, put it in four parts; a screen doesn't read easily anyway.

    Well, did my best but i'm very inexperienced myself; and a Dutchie for that.

    Greeeeeeetzzzzzzzz,

    roberto
    | Posted on 2006-09-03 00:00:00 | by roberto | [ Reply to This ]



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    January 10 07
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