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untitled


Author: LocketzVC
ASL Info:    18/F/pa
Elite Ratio:    2.18 - 12 /42 /18
Words: 62
Class/Type: Poetry /Depressed
Total Views: 880
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 383



Description:




untitled



No one knows how I feel
No one understands my fear
You know I can hear
And my heart starts to tear

Im losing myself to this day
Craking like sun baked clay
Why do I matter
You hear the blade clatter

I find myself watching
Through a dream
Only for it to end
In my never ending scream




Submitted on 2006-08-13 11:03:04     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I don't really know what to say at the moment... well I can start somewhere. Being a depressed teenager myself I totally understand where you're coming from on this one. But also growing up is hard. You lose all sense of security and you crash and burn. Just remember there actually is light at the end of the tunnel. You may just have to walk a little further.

Anyways, it's short, but expresses a point well. I can feel the anger and frustation behind it. You may want to add the missing "c" to "craking" (second stanza, second line) I think you mean "cracking". The rhythm is a little off, it's a bit choppy, but maybe you wanted it that way. Just a reader's preference I guess.

Well written, just keep writing, delve deeper into the emotion and I'm sure you'll find something spectacular. :)

Cheers <3
megan
| Posted on 2006-08-13 00:00:00 | by disturbed420 | [ Reply to This ]
  Agh, you don't have to be just a depressed teenager to feel the anguish in this piece. It'll get better. I know you've probably heard that before. And, believe me, I'm still trying to convince myself of that and I'm getting ready to be twenty one. So. Blah. Just chin up and if you ever need to vent, I'm a PM away.

BCute

Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
| Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]


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