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she's gone-part 2

Author: bbcherry
Elite Ratio:    3.07 - 79 /34 /16
Words: 121
Class/Type: Story /Depressed
Total Views: 1048
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 636


Just a part of a story I'm trying to write.

she's gone-part 2

Throught the next few days that past, I could not think. Color turned into the black night sky. Weather changed nothing, but it itself did. I lossed track of time and it went on without me.
Then one day he came. "Have you gone crazy?", he said. "Your life is going by and your barely breathing. Im sorry for it the best and the worst. But life goes on, and no living thing can be reborn. You just remeber the special times and move on with your life. It was a hell of an accident. Its not your fault. Stop blaming yourself Take charge of your life; again bring back your sunny smile. Be who you once were."

Submitted on 2006-08-13 18:15:15     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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  I probably should have read this one before i commented, but i didn't and now i am going to comment on this one.

I liked the first one, this one didn't give me much imagery and that is probably the point, you dont feel anything anymore.

still i thought that maybe you could have shown how cold and numb you feel a little more.

| Posted on 2006-10-09 00:00:00 | by babytinkerbelle | [ Reply to This ]
  i just read both parts and have to say that your expressions are excellent. that feeling of complete loss and devastation are plain to see here. i think when someone we love passes away, we tend to dwell on the fact they're no longer with us, instead of being happy about the times we shared with them. although we do have to grieve. say our goodbyes.
i liked this story. you have an obvious talent for this. i wouldn't stop now!!!
i have to ask though, who is the mystery 'he' that came to call? that was a nice touch.
| Posted on 2006-10-02 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
  the part of this story seems like it is taking another path not sad much any more but that state where nothing matters and no one understands where you want to be left alone unless its that one thing or one person comforting you with out thinking too deep into this i would say theese emotions are driving your work and even if you feel like this your still producing exelent work im just sorry you feel like this... if you do

Rak ^)
| Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by dark figure | [ Reply to This ]

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