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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Think Hatdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: WriterX
    ASL Info:    18/Male/Poland
    Elite Ratio:    3.58 - 68/126/83
    Words: 105
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 601
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 704



    Description:
       This is a poem about my beautiful hat which always helps me fight two of my greatest enemies (which all fighters have to face also). Sleep and the Writer's Block.

    Hats off for my Hat!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Think Hatdots
    -------------------------------------------



    The Think Hat

    I see a fog
    Before my eyes.
    So thick and gray
    Like last days porridge.

    I walk forward
    Completely lost,
    With no road or light
    To show the way.

    Suddenly I stumble
    Fall forward like a tree,
    And when I look back
    I see a hat.

    Completely black
    With a brown belt
    Around its top,
    But who could leave it here?

    I pick it up,
    Clean the dust,
    Put it on,
    And notice something strange.

    The fog is gone
    The path is clear,
    The Think Hat I have found
    Has completely cleared my mind.




    Submitted on 2006-08-14 15:54:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Hmmm.....a hat.....

    THis was very good. I am diggin the whole hat/and clarity thing.

    I think that we all have our own ways of overcoming something. Whether we want to acknowledge what did it for us...that is completely up to us.

    I liked the whole rhythm in this one. You made is so hippoty hoppity....it has a great "happy" kind of feel. That feel of triumph.

    Great to see that posts can be found that are positive and leave the reader smiling afterwards.

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]
      i think this a good idea, and the simplicity of the language tells it well, like a poet's fairytale search for inspiration, but i have a few suggestions that you can take or leave as to how i'd tighten this up a bit.

    I see a fog
    Before my eyes.
    So thick and gray
    Like last days porridge.


    that porridge similie sounds rather desperate - like an uninspired poet just grabbing at the nearest comparion in view - which fits very well.

    I walk forward
    Completely lost,
    With no road or light
    To show the way.


    to me "walk forward" suggests direction, which contradicts the lostness - perhaps something such as "I walk around" or "I walk through" etc.

    Suddenly I stumble
    Fall forward like a tree,
    And when I look back
    I see a hat.


    "falling like a tree" would work better in my opinion, and maybe go with an exclamation mark after hat to add some excitement at the discovery.

    moving to the last strophe. it looks and reads too bulky, so i'd perhaps open it up like this:

    The fog is gone
    The path is clear;
    The Think Hat I have found

    Has completely cleared my mind.

    i also added a semi-colon, seems more appropriate than a comma.

    it's all up to you though.

    thanks for sharing!

    Adam
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Icarus | [ Reply to This ]
      The Think Hat

    I see a fog
    Before my eyes.
    So thick and gray
    Like last days porridge.

    I walk forward
    Completely lost,
    With no road or light
    To show the way.

    Suddenly I stumble
    Fall forward like a tree,
    And when I look back
    I see a hat.

    Completely black
    With a brown belt
    Around its top,
    But who could leave it here?

    I pick it up,
    Clean the dust,
    Put it on,
    And notice something strange.

    The fog is gone
    The path is clear,
    The Think Hat I have found
    Has completely cleared my mind.

    The day a poem has to strictly conform to rhyme, meter and structure is that blessed time poetry writes itself. This is an intriguing idea in need of a little fleshing out (although the starkness of both structure and language lend it childlike simplicity and the virtual nudity of a well formed phrase).

    Nicely done.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Random guess, you've gotten over a case of writer's block? This poem could be interesting if it comformed to more rules; metering, rhymes....
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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