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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: The Greatest Poem I Never Wrotedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Satire
    Total Views: 965
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 707



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsThe Greatest Poem I Never Wrotedots
    -------------------------------------------


    When you池e dead
    I値l be able to write a poem about
    how you never listened
    and only cared for Yourself
    and how you sucked the air
    from every room.
    In my great poem I値l name you
    as the single source of my shortfalls
    and regrets, my eating disorders
    and negative credit report.

    When you池e dead,
    I値l send my poem off to a sympathetic
    editor who will instantly recognize
    my cathartic poetic genius.
    You値l get posthumously
    famous for your lunacy
    while I get famous for my acid pen
    and humorous postings.
    In the meantime,
    I値l fantasize about freedom.




    Submitted on 2006-08-14 22:47:45     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Such cynicism... ouch! Lol, I like the viewpoint you've presented here... coming from a disgruntled lover/wife etc...

    It kinda reminds me of Plath's position... regarding whatshisname... Ted Hughes? Yea, something like that...

    So, a bored (and trapped) housewife huh? A dangerous combination...

    Very witty

    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice one here. The cynicism comes through nicely, but there's also the ring of truth to it. Only suggestion is change 'while I get famous for my acid pen' to something like 'while I achieve fame for my acid pen.'

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      Nice one here. The cynicism comes through nicely, but there's also the ring of truth to it. Only suggestion is change 'while I get famous for my acid pen' to something like 'while I achieve fame for my acid pen.'

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      I love how Bill posted your whole poem into his comment, making it look bigger than it is. That makes me laugh.

    Anyhow, I thought this was a very interesting piece, although more of a description would be nice, so that we can better see what you were trying to do with it. But most of what I got from this is a bit of a stab at how at least in American society we can talk about how much of an ass a person is, but upon death they're automatically absolved of all the things they did to piss us off. That's what I saw. Maybe you were going for something different. I don't know.

    I thought it was nice. Not phenomenal, but not bad either. It was worth the time I spent reading it.
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Zabriel | [ Reply to This ]
      When you池e dead
    I値l be able to write a poem about
    how you never listened to me
    and how you only cared about Yourself
    and how [censored]ed the very life
    blood from my veins.
    In my great poem I値l name you
    as the single source of my shortfalls
    and regrets, my eating disorders
    and negative credit report.

    When you池e dead,
    I値l send my poem off to a sympathetic
    editor who will instantly recognize
    my cathartic poetic genius.
    You値l get posthumously
    famous for your lunacy
    while I get famous for my acid pen.
    In the meantime,
    I値l fantasize about freedom.


    ...and do a few lines of coke and slowly simmer in my juices and buy several handguns from an unsuspecting sales clerk and snap at a SevenEleven...

    Wouldn't it be fun to blame the world for your shortcomings, trash society for denying you respect and villify those foolish enough to cross paths with your postal meltdown?

    Your cynicism is refreshing.
    Take care.
    Bill.
    | Posted on 2006-08-14 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, this is very interesting. I think there are so many ways this can be interpreted. Sounds like it can be written for an ex-boyfriend or an absent father (emotionally and physically). But the line about the credit report? That sounds like an ex-boyfriend/husband to me. Doesn't it suck that the people who torment us seem to be the best source of inspiration, and the b*stards don't deserve it? Or maybe that's just me, I don't know.

    However...

    This is a very liberating piece, in and of itself. Even though you are speculating as to what the future will hold once this person is gone, you are also taking a stand. It's almost the first step towards not letting them get away with it. I don't know if that makes any sense. Oh, and I don't know if you did on purpose, but the capitalized "Yourself" made me think that this person thinks of themself as [a] God. Just my interpretation. Fight your tormentor and prepare to be free!! ...bb...

    Tay ~~
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, I like this one. It must suck to be trapped where ever you are. I hope that you can get out, and go ahead and dream man, infact try to actually do it, it's going to suck while you try to accomplish it, hell I'm still fighting right now, but once you get there, you'll breath so much better. I hope you can overcome whatever demon that is, that hold you where you are. You'll be a whole hell of lot happier!
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Cinder7 | [ Reply to This ]
      "for yourself" is good. I also like your capitalizing the 2nd word,
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]
      Your wry personal criticism - of self, of too significant other, and especially of those who use other's bad behavior as a crutch for their own failings - is delightful. Although I would hate to be at the receiving end of your tongue's lash, I can enjoy this very much as a 3rd. party.
    The one area I don't like is the repetition of the word "about" at the beginning. It makes the first sentence sound unnecessarily awkward. Perhaps, "...and only thought of yourself..." would work better. In any case, I found this delightful.
    fred
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by fredmelden | [ Reply to This ]


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