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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: A Flamingo Among Swansdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: cuddledumplin
    ASL Info:    36/ f/UK
    Elite Ratio:    4.08 - 6269/5927/526
    Words: 84
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1458
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 568



    Description:
       I found this in a notebook. It's far from new, but I've not been writing much or well lately, and I wanted to submit something.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsA Flamingo Among Swansdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I'd pay to watch you eat cereal
    because you never do anything the prescribed way.
    I wonder if anyone else has ever noticed the clumsy beauty of your walk,
    so awkward that it's graceful,
    and your paintings violate every rule of composition,
    but they shame the masters.
    You don't do it to be experimental:
    it's just you.
    You're a flamingo among swans.
    I barely know you,
    but I can't control these thoughts;
    I just know that you make love
    like no one else.




    Submitted on 2006-08-15 03:43:50     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Short, but a very potent piece of poetry here...romantic and whimsical...very deftly done over all ... bravo ... bravo ... bravo ... michael
    | Posted on 2007-02-22 00:00:00 | by Algol46 | [ Reply to This ]
      Can't do much but smile.... Your writing is so warm at times I could make myself comfortable in the middle of the winter outside.

    The idea if 'flamingo among swans'... I thought that this poem will be rather cruel and cold, but I was totally wrong. It's utterly brilliant, beautiful and positive.
    | Posted on 2006-09-19 00:00:00 | by Nightraven | [ Reply to This ]
      This is my kind of person. Sounds like my bf actually. never was one for rules, but seem to do anything better then the skilled joe blow. I loved how you gave reasons or examples of how he is different from all. I love the title and felt your analogy was very good. Flamigos are pretty as well, but in their own right. You didn't call this person a ugly duckling, just because they are not a swan by nature. Very creative.

    Catrina
    | Posted on 2006-09-17 00:00:00 | by Magnolia Steele | [ Reply to This ]
      I loved this too. its like you looked in and saw the true beauty in the naturalnes and I love that

    Kate
    xxx
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by elephantasia | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is really nice. I like that the "I" in this watches every aspect of the "you" in this piece. It reminds me of being totally in love with someone and wanting to memorize every detail of them and their life. :) It's an amazing feeling.
    The unique starting, about eating cereal, is an attention grabber and pulled me in right away. I also like that you called the "you" a "flamingo among swans" too. I think flamingos are interesting creatures. They are beautiful in a unique way; not in a classical way like swans. Sometimes beauty is best that way.
    I really enjoyed it. :)
    Good job!
    Hugs!!
    Bethany :)
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by borderlinetears | [ Reply to This ]
      There is something so wonderful about celebrating uniqueness.
    And you write it in a witty way. It's interesting that you discuss the idea of breakfast and then the ending lines put everything in perspective.

    It funny, you sort of map out the ideas that might have followed but never say them, and I like that. So you've given us our own unique imagination and characteristics in the bargain.

    Nice work Amy, thanks for sharing from the archives

    Nan
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by nansofast | [ Reply to This ]
      to know someone that intimately is a gift and you have captured their essence in this poem. a flamingo among swans. both beautiful but he's unique. so cool. it might be an old one, but it's a goodie!
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh, hey, this is so touchingly sweet! It's like, you love the person despite how s/he appears to the world and love opens up your eyes to see unique, beautiful traits and idiosyncrasies about her/him. It's sweet!
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Maverique | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this

    it feels so known you know...
    so familiar
    like this person is someone you have loved your whole life even though no one else can see why but by the end of the piece i start to thinking that perhaps... perhaps this is some kinda crush from afar... love at first sight though he aint never seen you...
    i love it.

    i love the way you paint this person...
    the way their social inadequacies (yeah i cant spell) are what it is that draws you to them and that you cannot understand why no one else sees what you see...

    i like the way you create his art... the way you almost say its completely by accident that he is the way he is and that his style is also how it is...

    i like how he cannot be put into a box and i like the admission at the end...
    i shouldnt be thinking this but... well...
    its brilliant... its so honest but so real and i mean... who hasnt thought thoughts they shouldnt have thought before...?

    a flamingo among swans...
    i like the twist.
    im sick of ugly ducklings though i never found an apt substitute but youve done just that right now... eccentricity symbolised in flamingos with their nobbly knees and off features and also the way their colours are as a result of what they eat... i read that somewhere... the idea that this dude is how he is because thats how he has surrounded himself... he hasnt listened to or succumb to the ugly duckling/beautiful swan/stupid goose fable... he is his own being...

    i really like this one amy
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      I agree, this is very nice...kind of makes me wistful and wish that I had something so sweet in my life...ah, but I'm just in such a rut right now...lol

    take care,

    ~B~
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good. The person you're talking about (and I assume it's a guy) comes through very clearly. My only suggestion is maybe break up the longer lines:

    because you never do
    anything the prescribed way
    I wonder if anyone else has ever
    noticed the clumsy beauty of your walk

    and your paintings violate every
    rule of composition

    anyway, just a thought. Good work here.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]


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