Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: falling apartdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: brokenbylove
    ASL Info:    26/m/australia
    Elite Ratio:    1.27 - 63/298/259
    Words: 67
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 433
    Average Vote:    3.0000
    Bytes: 388



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsfalling apartdots
    -------------------------------------------


    i fell apart right at the start
    then you came and lifted me up
    filled in the cracks made me whole
    only to drop me from higher up
    i hit the ground my heart shredded
    you scattered it and killed it
    now im falling apart again
    you tore me down, cut me down
    left me apon the ground
    now ive fallen apart too many pieces to find.....




    Submitted on 2006-08-15 04:52:51     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      "then you came and lifted me up
    filled in the cracks made me whole
    only to drop me from higher up"

    I love that. Thats my favorite part, although the whole thing is good.
    I agree with the last comment, so theres no point in repeating what was already said.

    Byee

    -nikkki
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      over all this poem was good, but the one thing that made it sound a little 3rd grade was the lines:
    "i hit the ground my heart squashed
    you jumped on it and killed it"
    you could've used other words than squashed and jumped on it. idk it just would've sounded like it fit into the write more. but yeah all in all, good work. keep writing...
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    114473

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    prison written by ShyOne
    Delicious Stews written by elephantasia
    winners circle written by ShyOne
    Things They (Don't) Say written by TheStillSilence
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    untitled written by ShyOne
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    Cover written by saartha
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    The World written by jjd
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    To the Devil and Candle written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Old Mill written by Wolfwatching
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Etiquette written by saartha
    When Sirens Whisper written by HisNameIsNoMore
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Shi written by ShyOne
    i've missed written by mysalvation

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry