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Laughing Leaves


Author: Aetha Daemon
Elite Ratio:    6.81 - 91 /56 /29
Words: 24
Class/Type: Haiku /
Total Views: 958
Average Vote:    No vote yet.
Bytes: 202



Description:


This is just a try at a haiku. Tell me what you think!


Laughing Leaves



Leaves laughing at me
Shaking uncontrollably
Little leaves, stop please...

Wind whist'ling at me
Cackling, screaming, biting me,
Now, I hear no leaves....




Submitted on 2006-08-15 10:57:22     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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1: >_<
2: I dunno...
3: meh!
4: Pretty cool
5: Wow!




Comments


  I think its pretty good but a Haiku is 5 sylables, 7 sylables, 5 sylables so perhaps if you remove the word 'that' from the last line of the first stanza, it would be more in keeping with a Haiku...picky picky I know! :-) The poem is simple and easy to read and I like it. Mel.
| Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
  Hehe, haikus, to be so short, are so hard to write. I have to count on my fingers to make sure I have the right number of syllables, then take out words and ah it's a pain, that's why I've only written one.

I think this was cute, kind of funny. Walking down the street and there are a bunch of leaves in front of you just kind of dancing on the wind... When you're having a bad day, yeah, it can definitely seem like they're laughing at you. But then the wind blows harder and the leaves are gone and you're like "wait! come back!" This has a "from bad to worse" feel even though it's really quite light (I don't know if that makes sense, I haven't had my coffee yet). Eh, don't mind me. ...bb...

Tay ~~
| Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]
  Truthfully, I'm not an expert on haikus. I barely remember how many syllables are needed in each line. Even with my limited experience, I can tell that you did a pretty good job. From what I've read, the best haikus seem simple on the outside. Once you think about them though, they are deep and have a sort of calm guidance toward them.

The 'deep' meaning that I get from this haiku (or maybe it is two) is to appriciate the pretty things while they last because eventually they will blow away.

The leaves in the beginning represented the 'good things'. At first you are annoyed with the loud rustling but once the strong wind comes and the leaves are gone, you feel sad and want to go back to the way it used to be.

Feel free to agree or dissagree with me, this is just how I see it. This is a very good job and I think you for sharing your talent with us. Have a nice day!

~AshNight~
| Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by AshNight | [ Reply to This ]


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