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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Strangersdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Mykquillion
    ASL Info:    20/M/NEB
    Elite Ratio:    4.25 - 109/124/41
    Words: 39
    Class/Type: Poetry/Society
    Total Views: 812
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 235



    Description:
       Everyone is beautiful. Embrace each other's beauty.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStrangersdots
    -------------------------------------------


    We walk down the same street,
    Her and I,
    Walking opposite directions,
    And we do not say Hello
    Because we donít know each other,
    But how would you know anyone
    If you did not say Hello.




    Submitted on 2006-08-15 14:43:06     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      This is a very simple little write but makes such a good point. It is easy to walk through life not acknowledging others, but people make this world interesting and everyone has something different to offer. Taking time each day to make a difference, to smile or say hi to a stranger, just makes the day all that much more. Now of course, little children should not practice this for obvious reasons, but we as adults, really should reach out to each other more often. I do say hi to people I dont know, smile when I can, and usually get a smile back. Just one of the little things in life that make it just a little better. Anyway, a good little write. Take care.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-08-16 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very thought provoking and while I try never to actually critique a poet's work (although that is an element of the site) I agree that it could have been taken in so many more in depth directions. Every piece of work is a work in progress though. It's a good piece. It left me sitting there thinking at the end, "Huh...." LOL.

    BCute
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very thought provoking and while I try never to actually critique a poet's work (although that is an element of the site) I agree that it could have been taken in so many more in depth directions. Every piece of work is a work in progress though. It's a good piece. It left me sitting there thinking at the end, "Huh...." LOL.

    BCute
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very thought provoking and while I try never to actually critique a poet's work (although that is an element of the site) I agree that it could have been taken in so many more in depth directions. Every piece of work is a work in progress though. It's a good piece. It left me sitting there thinking at the end, "Huh...." LOL.

    BCute
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      We walk down the same street,
    Her and I,
    Walking opposite directions,
    And we do not say Hello
    Because we donít know each other,
    But how would you know anyone
    If you did not say Hello.

    i dunno dude...
    this started off with a bit of promise but kinda ended with nothing...
    i dont mean to sound harsh or anything but yeah...
    i think you have a skeleton here... an idea for a piece with the fundamentals down but now you have to flesh it out... now you have to add a little emotion... a lil something to glue the readers attention to every single word...
    i know what you are trying to say...
    i can see that you are questioning the "dont talk to strangers" logic and asking how you can meet anyone new if your not allowed to talk to strangers...
    makes me think of that really cheesy saying that had splashed round my school "there are no strangers here just friends you havent yet met"

    but yeah... you need to MAKE this idea into something.
    you need to not spell it all out as clearly as you have... add a lil suspence... a lil mystery... a lil something...

    we walk down two sides of the same street
    her and i
    opposite directions
    opposite sides

    she doesnt even know my name...

    we walk down two sides of the same street
    not out of ignorance
    nor hate
    just... misunderstanding i guess

    i dont know hers...

    its not like im shy
    and its not like shes not beautiful
    its just...

    my mother always told me not to talk to strangers.

    ok... so that was a really quick really crap attempt at showing you how you can use this piece and flesh it out some but i hope you half get the idea im trying to portray...

    good luck!

    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      Yeah...your right. How do we meet new people if we're not supposed to talk with strangers? I never though of that before.
    I guess it goes more for little kids though. My father used to tell me that, but now all he wants to do is get me out of the house. He doesn't really care anymore.

    Oh well...anways, back to the poem. I liked it a lot, and it doesn't even matter how short it is. It gets your point across anyway.

    ~Nicole
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]


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