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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Our Paths (w/ a twist)dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shepj
    Elite Ratio:    3.35 - 17/25/5
    Words: 83
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 763
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 521



    Description:
       Something I pulled out of my head when thinking about the choices we make and the outcomes... the shakespear like verse was just for my humor :-) enjoy!


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsOur Paths (w/ a twist)dots
    -------------------------------------------


    An untried chance gleams upon each coin thats tossed,
    The battle within neither mastered nor lost.

    When good prevails new darkness shows,
    Though in dark clouds hope will glow.

    With hell below and heaven above,
    The road we choose is hate or love.

    Art thou choosing to hate? For if thou art,
    Thou saddly blind the happiness of thine heart,

    Anger is ignorance no matter how told,
    For love won't strike men down for gold.




    Submitted on 2006-08-15 17:47:39     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      short,sweet and to the point. i like it.
    you got your point across and you did it well. i love the imagery and the way you word your words. write more like this. lengthen your poem. it is wonderful the way it is but if you can add to it that would be great. more of a good thing is only better. lol

    any ways. verry good write. the lines dont really correlate with eachother. but thats some thing thats easily enough fixed. i really did like it though!
    good job!



    annie!
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by annie smith | [ Reply to This ]
      it's nice. you could probably add more. it's really great, but it could be even greater. keep writing. i'm looking forward to reading your work.

    ~! rocker5871!~
    | Posted on 2006-11-27 00:00:00 | by rocker5871 | [ Reply to This ]
      "Each coin tossed" There's missing something here. Maybe a "thats," or a simple inversion of coin and tossed. Again with the "down men" I think should be inversed. Also, shakespearean tip: Thy is replaced by thine when the word that follows begins with either a vowel or an H.

    How I read this poem and what it means to me:
    S1: There is always opportunity around each corner, be it great or not.
    S2: With every good choice, there is a lesserly good repercussion/a chance for it to go wrong. Just as with bad choices there is always at least one lesson to learn/hope of it becoming a good one.
    S3: Life isn't complicated, it comes down to two basic things: Heaven and Hell; Love and Hate.
    S4: Choosing hate is to ignore one's emotions/human nature.
    S5: The latter choice in S3 is always a bad one, no matter how you explain it/excuse it. Opposite works for the first choice.


    Nice read, thanks~
    Outlaw
    | Posted on 2006-08-15 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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