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    dots Submission Name: Seven Deadly Sinsdots

    Author: Rhaine
    ASL Info:    25/Yes/An Alley
    Elite Ratio:    3.87 - 660/744/196
    Words: 244
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 828
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1611

       inspired by another poet on here, wrote it very swiftly...please tell me whats weird with it...the first stanza is like great i think but i feel like i copied it throughout the whole thing

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSeven Deadly Sinsdots

    Crack my knuckles, again and again
    Spinning out red veins of fury
    instead of cords of gold
    i was wired for this wrath
    being controlled by mars
    he laughs as i'm dismembered alive
    by the red bear standing below me

    Relaxing and at ease
    my spiritual mind
    has come to a halt
    Saturn has betrayed me
    and now i must die
    to a snake pit i am conveyed
    by a goat of light blue
    he's crying.

    I see her there
    wanting to cause pain
    to take her place
    every filthy burning makes me
    one step closer to the moon
    He turns green with his demon dog growling
    submerging me in a freezing sea

    I require the best
    I need what they have
    Do you see jupiter now?
    I bet you do
    Little orange pigs
    shove rats down my throat
    she is smiling now

    Pampered little girl
    with all her toys and candies
    Avarice, Covetousness
    Mercury sighs as i am
    taking what is not mine
    He watches as i am boiled
    in hot oil by the frogs of yellow

    Pleasure to the body
    with the curtains wide open
    primrose path for my spirit
    turned blue
    venus smothers me in fire and brimstone
    for my aphrodisia
    Mother of all sins
    borderline righteousness-
    self righteousness
    where do they cross the violet line,
    guarded by the suns flaming horses?
    i will be broken on that raging wheel

    Submitted on 2006-08-16 14:46:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like it! Hay, U ever stop to think that the devil
    May not look Quite the way you may he looks?
    Rather than a flame breathing ugly, ect,ect.....
    Kinda Guy. But,..........................A sharply dressed everything u ever wanted, and dident
    even kno u wanted. ......... . Kinda guy. Its how
    he gets you in the end that matters.

    I do like dont get me wrong. But I tended to
    get a little lost. In the way you worded things.
    You kinda skipped around a lot. Your work is
    good but your flow is a little off. (On this piece)
    I will take another look @ yr other stuff. Turns out it may get pushed off till this weekend.
    Alright than.............................

    P.S. Take care
    | Posted on 2006-12-27 00:00:00 | by ooononotthatguy | [ Reply to This ]
      Back for more eh? I love it. I really find it just right to describe the seven deadly ones. I don't precisely follow the frogs and rats and snakes and bears, maybe they are imagery that relate to these sins and I'm just too eneducated to know it. But either way, even if they come from anywhere, I think they fit in perfectly, just as the planetes do. Gooooood job! :)

    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]

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