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    dots Submission Name: Swathed in Darknessdots

    Author: xmichellex
    ASL Info:    16/f/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.63 - 5/6/9
    Words: 150
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 855
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 942


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSwathed in Darknessdots

    My everlasting sorrow seems so close to its peak
    It reflects the words of terror that I cannot speak
    Although I seldom feel close to happiness' grasp
    I lose all my joy in disappointment’s clasp

    My actions, propelled by regret, I cannot explain
    They could have been spoken, yet only in vain
    Whilst I lay dying, my wounds washed up by the rain
    My heart feels tied up as in a chain

    My bleary tears no longer seem to affect you now
    As you suddenly lost all trust in our vow
    You think I swagger as if seeking attention
    Thinking I'm nothing but an act of pretension

    I now invoke your precious being
    I prey whilst you laugh without forgiveness
    You've punctured my heart by barely seeing
    How my seraph's swathed in darkness

    Now that I need you the most, I’ve lost it all

    Submitted on 2006-08-16 22:24:24     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      "Now that i need you most, i've lost it all"

    Bam. That ending right there. I've been through that so many times recently. Especially with losing a best friend of 11 years. Just when I needed them more then ever, they disappeared, and I realized too late they were never there to begin with.

    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I love it, I really do. You did a great play on words during the whole thing, I felt my little black heart getting tuged at, haha. The only thing you might want to change in it is,

    "How my seraph's swathed in darkness."

    I think you can replace it with something better then that, something that cleans and seals the poem, but I can't really think of something that would. Great job again, hope to see more by you!
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Shadow_Mirror | [ Reply to This ]

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    January 10 07
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