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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: 'Reckoning'dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Shadow_Mirror
    ASL Info:    23/m/CA
    Elite Ratio:    4.59 - 54/39/18
    Words: 95
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1002
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 625



    Description:
       ok, for one, I write when I'm deppressed, so most of my stuff will probally be like this, and for two, NONE of my stuff is sucidal notes or any stuff like that, thank you for reading my writing, have a nice day.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dots'Reckoning'dots
    -------------------------------------------


    'Reckoning' 

    "The tearfull scream,
    the halting breath,
    the place I find scared in my mind.
    Run with me,
    to this end,
    for I'm growing o so weary.
    I'm traped in this cage,
    which we call a life,
    I'll leave it with wisdom and death at my side.
    why should I,
    even bother with it,
    for you'll all leave me in the end.
    So why are we,
    trying to,
    hold on to something thats not even there."




    Submitted on 2006-08-17 04:22:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      o.o; Yes, as a matter of fact, you are.. Though I VERY wish to kill some people, this wasn't for that, I was just under alot of stress and deprsion at that time.
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Shadow_Mirror | [ Reply to This ]
      It's alright, am I interpreting this properly though? It sounds to me like you fell out of love with someone and killed them...
    | Posted on 2006-09-24 00:00:00 | by Kardas | [ Reply to This ]
      i like this a lot. when we feel lost or depressed we do feel alone and trapped, you captured that feeling nicely. i would like to read more from you, so plz, get posting.
    you said you write when you're depressed, which is good, it gets all the feelings out there, but you really should try and write something 'lighter', you do have talent and i think it would be good for you,also. jus my personal thoughts,
    whirl**
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      You may think something isn't there, but when you look at it closer or from a different angle, perhaps you'll see it?
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by rhevolution | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a pretty good poem. You express your feelings well with your words. My only suggestion for you would be maybe a bit more description. This allows the reader to feel the depth of despair with comparisons and such and the reader will connect more with the words if they can feel it. Sort of like walking in your shoes. Try not just stating facts, but work a little deeper inside the feelings. Just a suggestion for you. Good to hear you write when you are depressed because it is an excellent way to get those feelings out. This is a good poem and with a little work, could be stronger. Welcome to Elite.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      I would have to agree with Lorna, I really didn't get the feel for the depths of your despair, a little more description would help alot, but good start, Dean
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Survivor_Dean | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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