[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Why am I crying?dots

    Author: Darkwarrior
    ASL Info:    27
    Elite Ratio:    3.51 - 60/63/33
    Words: 42
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 810
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 305


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWhy am I crying?dots

    The trees hang low
    brushing my face
    wiping the tears
    upon my cheeks
    my lips quiver
    as the wind blows
    against my brittle body
    I shiver
    in shock
    and close my eyes
    in wonder
    as my filthy hands
    my distorted face.

    Submitted on 2006-08-17 14:22:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Why did you write this piece, whats the background behind it you leave too many questions unanswered, uncatered to really. Put a little more detail into this, then it would be easier to read.

    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      It would be better if you put a little more detail into it, although I don't really think you need to. Your title asks a question, therefore you don't really know anything. You don't know why you are crying, you don't know why anything happens. Your just so confused and sad, and all this other stuff you can't explain either. Well, that's just what I got from it.

    Anyways, great work

    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      You know. I'm not going to critique this. I think this piece is about the reader being able to FEEL through the words the background. You shouldn't have to tell me the background or anything. The title itself spoke a thousand words. It was descriptive enough. Anything more would've been drawn out in my opinion. You allowed the reader to feel the intensity of your pain, frusteration, confusion in few words. I applaud you for that.


    Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Summer written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    True Death written by layDsayD
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Alone in the Crowd written by SavedDragon
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    Happy Saint Patrick's Day written by poetotoe
    Waiting written by Daniel Barlow
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Fasade written by jackz
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Sleep Talk written by Queen_of_spades
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Push written by JanePlane
    Wavelength written by saartha
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    AI written by poetotoe
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (final) written by endlessgame23
    written by Daniel Barlow
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Dashboard Light written by layDsayD




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]