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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Hold me.. Calm me down..dots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: jackz
    ASL Info:    24/F/OH
    Elite Ratio:    3.76 - 591/622/378
    Words: 64
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 668
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 400



    Description:
       I wrote this on Oct/6/03 this was for my Father and durring the seperation period of my parents and how I was taking it.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsHold me.. Calm me down..dots
    -------------------------------------------


    Hold me now
    For I cannot take much more
    Calm me down
    For I feel I'm going crazy
    The pain is getting the best of me
    My fears are rising
    I stand here shaking
    Scared of tomorrow
    The future misleads me
    Wanting one thing
    And getting another
    Too many paths
    I have to choose
    Which one will lead me back to you




    Submitted on 2006-08-17 19:20:31     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Okay, this is really sad. I cannot relate, but I have seen it happen to many of my friends at school. I can't imagine the the pain of having the two people you love most split apart like that.
    As far as I can see, there are no mistakes, so you don't need to fix anything at all, which is great. I can't seem to submitt one poem without making at leats 5 errors.
    I guess this poem made me feel as I said before, a little sad, but it also made me feel happy, because it made me realize that my life isn't all bad. I may have some problems but I do not suffer like so many others do. I feel as though I should be hugging my parents to death right now.
    I'm sure you could change a few things in this if you wanted, but there is really no need to improve it. These are your feelings, and you can't improve your feelings. I don't think it matters how a poem looks or sounds. The only thing that should matter is what it means. Poetry is a way of expressing feelings, and you have done a good job at that.

    ~Piper
    | Posted on 2006-09-16 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      aww this was sweet. i like it alot except i think you could've expanded it a little. keep writing...
    </3 lisa
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by 777sacrites777 | [ Reply to This ]
      short, sweet, n to the point. i liked it, it worked this time. you might get more comments about being too short, but i like the short n easy to read posts every now n then.
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by 14war | [ Reply to This ]


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