[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Venom and Victimdots

    Author: Toxic_Rayne
    ASL Info:    18/f/a happier place
    Elite Ratio:    4.7 - 1314/1095/162
    Words: 48
    Class/Type: Poetry/Depressed
    Total Views: 1546
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 326

        Short...crappy...if you think otherwise tell me so...

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsVenom and Victimdots

    Victim holds the pistol in hand,
    as Venom holds the blade

    Victim mourns over things un-lost,
    while Venom goes on rage

    Victim hates what cannot be had,
    as Venom loves what is never there

    Victim feels what will never be felt,
    while Venom doesn't care

    Submitted on 2006-08-17 22:23:44     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      It's short but it has a lot of meaning. I love the contrast between the victim and venom. It is a really great write. Keep on writing!
    | Posted on 2007-02-13 00:00:00 | by Priestess | [ Reply to This ]
      short and simple, i like the mirroring of the two, but at the same time it isnt good and evil, but more one holds a concious and the other strikes me as a sociopath, but in the fun way....if that makes sense.....anyway.....

    i truly like it
    | Posted on 2006-12-15 00:00:00 | by blu_kittin | [ Reply to This ]
      This would really be kewl with beatnick beats on bongos with black berets and black turtleneck sweaters with black slacks and all that jazz.

    Snap, snap.

    Yours truly,
    | Posted on 2006-10-14 00:00:00 | by Lacrimosa | [ Reply to This ]
      Ok...coyote said what I was going to say in a very complex confusing way. LOL! Thus we are poets. Are we not? LOL! Can never say anything simply just as complex as we can get it. Ahhh, that's why I love Elite. I did like this though. It did have a spinning quality to it and what I mean by that is like standing in the center of a room spinning slowly looking in two different mirrors. One Venom one Victim...which perhaps at one time may of been the same thing.


    Don't feel the need to comment on my work I'm trying to get to +30 I'd taken a leave from the site for a while and now I'm back to get my reciprocation up. So, don't feel like you have to comment back. I'm just doing everyone a favor. Thanks for the read!
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      LOL Hmmm short one, I like it again visual feels like reading a novel nicely done keep up the good work peace & stay safe...
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by Cordell | [ Reply to This ]
      Coyote said it well (as did B) but...I think they are both the same really. Kind of like, a Ying and Yang kind of thing. Victim cannot live without Venom, and Venom cannot live without Victim. They are each trapped in their own cycle unable to escape and bound to eachother by the need to have what the other has.


    It wasn't that bad, created quite a paradox really...
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by MorbidAngel114 | [ Reply to This ]
      this is good, i like it, short but complex...it didn't need a lot of explaining...i agree with all of them...venom/victim...one and the same...in a twisted sort of way...i do think they have said it all tho...nice write!

    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by whispered_chaos | [ Reply to This ]
      I really like this poem. it's short but doesn't lack the nessicary things to make it a good poem. it makes it seem like the vemon is non-caring of how the victim is, especially in the last stanza...

    "Victim feels what will never be felt,
    while Venom doesn't care"

    The victim is feeling such a pain that it will never be felt again that bad by the victim. But it doesn't matter to the venom how the victim feels because the venom is just doing what it is suppose to do...

    Keep up the great writting!

    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by remedy bayden | [ Reply to This ]
      That is no such "crappy." But you know what they say, "We are our own worst critics." ..or something like that.
    I love this. You are very creative.
    I just read it three times and I'm still slightly speechless.
    I can't give constructive criticsm, because I wouldn't change anything. And no compliments seem good enough.
    I suppose I'll just say "wonderfully done" and be on my way


    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by Liv2LoveThePain | [ Reply to This ]
      totally reminds me of a yingyang im unsure why, good write as all ive seen from you have been, Keep them coming.
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]
      It seems to me that victim is in the process of turning into venom, and that venom once was, and has sworn never to be again, a victim.
    | Posted on 2006-08-17 00:00:00 | by coyote | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]