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    dots Submission Name: * Memories of Youdots

    Author: Caotic_Disaster
    ASL Info:    16/F/Canada
    Elite Ratio:    4.03 - 447/349/148
    Words: 90
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 595
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 534


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    dots* Memories of Youdots

    The image of your face is still etched in my head,
    The sound of your voice still echoís in my ear,
    The feel of your hand still entangled with mine,
    I want these memories to last forever.

    The memories of our date last night,
    The memories of you holding me tight,
    The memories of your kiss goodnight,
    Promising me Iím the only one.

    I canít wait to see you again,
    To see your face,
    To hear your voice,
    And to feel your hand once more.

    Submitted on 2006-08-18 09:40:55     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      i think this is a very good poem i used to write ones like it for my fiance but thenshe left what ever or whoever you have that makes you feel this way dont let them go use them as the inspiration for this type of poetry when you decide to write it i had some difficulty finding a rhyme i think you maybe should try some free form poetry i find that free form can help improve certain writing skills if practiced enough dont know if that will be true for everyone though great write i enjoyed

    blood red angel
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by blood red angel | [ Reply to This ]
    The feel of your hand still entangled with mine,
    I want these memories to last forever.

    You could change this to:

    The feel of your hand[s are] still entangled with mine,
    I [wish] these memories [could] last forever.

    Nothing else, but maybe not because I was highly distracted trying to figure out the rhyme pattern, in which, eventually, I failed.

    Moving on, I also felt that this seriously lacked originality. I think the rhymes were to blame for that, so just get rid of them and let your mind roam free.

    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]
      That's like one of mine. It's different though it the way that I end up forgetting... So, yea... I liked it though. The very last stanza is sooo cool.
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really good
    In this write you show us your readers how truthfully in love with this other person you truly are
    Love is something that very rarely is true and real
    Too many times it is an imatation of true Love we are experiencing
    In your words I definately feel the emotion of someone who is truthfully in Love
    Dont let this feeling or energy go
    Trust me it is very hard to find again
    God Bless

    And Thank You for your recent comments
    Please know not only do they help me as a writer they help me move forward in life
    Thank You
    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      i love a good romantic poem. it doens't matter to me that it's been done before, i have written love poems myself. lots of them.
    i like this, took me back to when i first started dating my husband. it always seemed forever til the next date. anyway,
    very nice piece.

    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by whirl | [ Reply to This ]
      well trying not to be rude or cruel I decided to critique, I think you need to think deeper and try to strive for sumthing more original.

    I know its hard sumtimes but inspiration is found in the oddest places, and sumtimes is not needed at all.

    I think you did a good job painting a picture, and the write was done quite well.

    But you lost my attention because of the fact its the same thing we hear fifty thousand times over.

    If you need any help with anything pm me, and ya I'll get to critiqueing some of your other works.
    | Posted on 2006-08-18 00:00:00 | by obsidiandreams | [ Reply to This ]

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