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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Eye of the Stormdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Lafferty
    ASL Info:    18/ female/perth WA
    Elite Ratio:    5.55 - 39/20/15
    Words: 59
    Class/Type: Personal Quotes/Serious
    Total Views: 634
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 394



    Description:
       Just how I felt after I really good journal writing expereincing and love anyone to share their experience off the healing power of writing


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsEye of the Stormdots
    -------------------------------------------


    This page here
    Is the eye of the storm
    Its still, nothing moves
    Its where the actions
    Of my life stop.

    Its where I can watch
    Where everything I have
    All the ways I see my life

    Are uprooted into a swirl of colour
    Horrible crashing noises
    Accompaning my phyche's structures

    Being Changed




    Submitted on 2006-08-18 23:58:37     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      I like how this piece flows. But I think that the last line in the second stanza and the first line in the third stanza should be together instead of spaced apart.

    Entries of a days events in a journal really is a good thing to write about apparently, you did such a great job. The events of your life that happened are stopped on that paper, like how a storm seems to stop when the eye passes over, but in this case the eye of the storm never leaves, it remains forever still and unmoving, allowing you to review your life's events whenever you want to. I will admit that I am confused by the second stanza after I read the first one the first time, but after reading it again I understood that the eye of the storm on the paper does in fact move. Genius. It took me twice to discover this. I feel special now.

    I see no problems with it and nothing to pick at. Great write.


    Zach
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by insphered soul | [ Reply to This ]
      Thankyou outlaw for giving such an indepth review of, 'the eye of the storm'. I will change the 'is to 'are' in the third stanza. That was poor editing. but I disagree on changin still to inert. You are right that the poem language use is to the point of too simple. But the use of the word 'inert' would completely change the meaning of my poem. Inert gives the feel of unreactivity. which is diiferent from being still and watching.

    you seem to have interpreted my poem with the meaning of inert in mind, 'an opposition to the rest of the poem initial idea of being inert'

    writing is where you are not doing all those things that make up your live and who you are. But personally I find the process of writing changes how i view my actions and who I am. if you grasp this idea my second stanza is not redundant.

    And to bring up the point on, 'motionless words' do you really believe that? words change everytime they are written and everytime they are read. how can they be motionless? Thats why It may seem their is an opposition of ideas but its different types of motion. there are the actions of life like enrolling ina course of study and the minds actions of why that particular subject.

    could you please read my poem again without the word inert in mind and love to know what you think.

    thankyou again Lafferty
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by Lafferty | [ Reply to This ]
      I like your first stanza, although I think it could use the word "Inert" to add a little vocabulary, point of view writing things down in your life, on paper, and how they are forever contained in those motionless words.

    The second stanza seems like a tripple repetition of the same thing, slightly redundant and without goal.

    And if your third stanza ties directly into the last idea of the stanza before, then you should used "Are" and not "Is"

    I love how you isolated "Being changed," even though I don't get why you capitalized the C in "Change." It shows an opposition to the rest of the poem initial idea of being inert.

    Outlaw
    | Posted on 2006-08-19 00:00:00 | by Outlaw | [ Reply to This ]


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    115029

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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