Description: im sposed to be packing.
im leaving my friends here in illinois in 5 hours... catching a flight... a flight that will take me closer to home... i will be leaving the US in a week and a half (though i will visit 3 states before then) and well... this goodbye seems impossible... sigh... not my greatest write but a write all the same...
residue of goodbye -------------------------------------------
tonight
it seems my life
is burning down around me
while i stand here
deciding what i cherish enough to save:
my goodbyes laced with such finality.
the residue of laughter haunts me
like a street light
struggling to stay loved
(moths aren't attracted
to dying lights)
songs on repeat
till the lyrics mean nothing
tears blur into laughter and back again
life is nothing more
than a series of leavings
(and this time it's mine...)
tonight
it seems
the residue of laughter
means nothing
but goodbye
the residue of laughter haunts me like a street light struggling to stay loved
"I didn't know street lights struggled to do anything."
"I am in love with moths not loving dying lights."
"Mothers love dying children." the only difference is the e.r. Coincidence???
Lost meself there for a minnit.
Not under the influence. Above the influence. influenza i mean. I am not above it. I am Current ly within it.
Laced with influenza ( laced with such finality.) NyQuil is a blender for the mind. Mined. Hidden away and chipped out like gold is my reality. Little sparkling nuggets of your brillant beauty. Beautiful Beauty full of words. Of verbosity of eloquentary statementuality. Sentimentality.
Lost...Wishing I could stay...wishing it was all more clear...wishing I could forever hold your porelain face on the tips of my fingers...Wishing your tears made rivers and love made boats and we'd paddle to safety on eachothers shores...
The residue of my sanity has left the building.
Tonight... Tonight--- too nigt... tonight.... tonight... -William P. Corgan (Smashing Pumpkins {a band from Chicago})
There are manythings here that are not exactly as they seem. Be aware Love!
I'm not the best on giving great feedback, but I just wanted to tell how much I liked this one. It feels very condemned and bleak. Nothing can stop the fading or the goodbyes, everything is decided.
I really like this one too, Jayde. It's so sincere, it's sweet. it's kinda moving, actually...i couldn't read this the day you left without crying, lol. i remember sarah p wanted me to read it over the phone to her and i just couldn't...yeah.
the residue of laughter haunts me like a street light struggling to stay loved (moths aren't attracted to dying lights) ....that stanza is really cool. i especially like the "moths aren't attracted to dying lights'' part. i can never come up with similes as cool as the one in that stanza, lol. mine always suck. but i like that one.
tears blur into laughter and back again ...I think this is my favorite line, cuz you definitely nailed how i was feeling there. that whole friday before you left i felt like crying and then something funny would happen and then i'd go back to feeling like crying again. when i first read this poem in that book you left i thought that line was awesome because of that...
This poem is really well-written. I like it a lot. Thanks for writing it. Love ya.
I like how you took those simple words and put them into a very beautiful poem about leaving.
It's not too wordy, not too long...it just draws you into those emotions of all you have are memories. It all just lead to now, as you say your good-byes, get on a plane..and leave.
I am in Honduras, three weeks...I miss home. I miss the people...but when I get home i'll miss it here. Just like last time.
It's a loose or loose situation...you always miss something or someone. It's just so hard to hear yourself say those words, good-bye. I hope that all goes well, take care -jenn
what i like most about your poetry is that all of it reads so brutally honest - there's no hiding behind classical imagery or dazzling the reader with oh so witty wordplay but instead it feels intimate and just pure you not coated and lost in a formal mess of poetic devices.
this reads like the note one discovers in the morning after waking up in a surprisingly empty bed.
and you hadn't been able to sleep the night before, your head buzzing with the crash of the future smashing into the present and past and you had to sneak down and try and explain in a way more than a goodbye hug and smile in the morning could
tonight it seems the residue of laughter means nothing but goodbye
and i like the way you start with punctuation in the first stanza but then forget it as you get into it and the emotion.
ever thought of connecting your poems through a story or film?
I thought this was very well done. The burning house was a very apt comparison to a move. You do know you're going to lose so much and you have to decide what to keep- literally and figuratively. You did a good job in all three stanzas in using concrete and familiar images to describe the feelings of goodbye. You wrapped it up nicely in the last stanza by echoing the first line. I
And in regard to your leaving, I wish the best. It's tough to start over and be in new surroundings, but I have no doubt you will thrive!
this is quite well written. technically, the imagery doesn't quite turn me off. but maybe? a little transparent.
oh. i love the second stanza. your usuage of ( ) are effective(in stanza 3 too)
this poem is accomplished. you sent through a message. in a poetic form. personally, i'm always more favourable to poems with a few lines i don't understand. but that's just me. i mean, how much can i criticize you for lines too in place? lol. not much. this is good.
I'm not sure what to say to this- besides that you're always original. you always find a way to say something that no one's quite touched on, and to say it differently and better.
The last stanza is a wonderful image, with the repetition of the first line in the 1st and 4th stanzas. Very effective.
The only thing I might change is the (moths aren't attracted to dying lights). Maybe say something about the flickering, sickly state of the light and its struggle to stay loved by the moths?
Or maybe not. I hope that better things will happen to you.
Well... you know what they say about goodbyes... they are necessary so that people will be able to say hello once again. And hello's are good... hello's mean maybe now you could tell me that my hair looks nice and I wouldn't be pissed because of the fact that I actually spent hours fixing this [censored]ty curls to look nice for you... or I had a dream last night that I was in Rome and you are still there in the Philippines... and all of a sudden... the world ended and the last thought in my mind was... [censored]... if only I told you that I love you.
This piece, to me, captured that desperate moment of goodbye where you will time to stop but it won't. Or when you are making love to someone for the very last time and... well... you try to keep the person inside you. But you can't.
It also captured that moment of violence where in you just keep shaking inside... and you can't breath.
Well... I know good byes... I've said them a lot... and this piece touched me in the right places...
Very sad and emotional. I have never moved, but you made me realise how one feels when they do so. You had some really unique imagery that I enjoyed picturing.
than a series of leavings (and this time it's mine...)
^ I didn't like the idea of putting the above line in brackets. It made it seem out of place, and I found the brackets useless. Some very good words. I just think that the wording could be improved slightly, but overall, this really captures the spur of the moment.
i completely believe that this is not you at all. I think you came across a title and made it real. i do not think goodbyes cd be that harsh to you, then yet again i have been known of expecting people to become infallible. i have never said a goodbye which really was one and i did not hope to see the people i was saying it to again, so it never really broke me down. I trust the goodbyes am to say and that will really have an impact are those to people i knew did not accept Christ at the time of their death and people i really loved in that case. WOw, i guess goodbye can be quite a word.
It is always strange, isn't it, preparing to leave somewhere and sharing the last laughs and tears... you said it well, for someone writing on the run. I love the conept, too... the unrealness of parting laughter. Write it all, even on scraps of envelopes, because it will all be precious later.
you know i had to put on jeff buckley's "last goodbye" while commenting on this.. this song is the first thing i thought of while i read this. such sweet sorrow..
but yeah, saying "goodbye" really sucks. i remember having to say goodbye to my best friend in the hotel room the night before i left for jump school. it was so sad! haha.
but then you just remember the good times you guys had togather & it just makes you so happy, even when you might be feeling sad.
i'm sure good times follow where ever you may go. peace & love!
Well if you dont want me to call you sweet you should stop making such convincing arguments. You are so sincere about your sadness in leaving. Thats one of the things I like about you J, a lot of people (especialy in the church) pay lip service, say all the nice christian things, and act like they care. You are so obviously sincere and so obvioulsy warm harted, you couldnt even pretend to be otherwise. That fact really comes out in this.
deciding what i cherish enough to save
I hate having to do this, to rank your things, what to keep what to disregard, it sucks.
life is nothing more than a series of leavings
This is so true.
Ok, so I go to comment hell for this one. Anyways, Im not critiquing this one, it doesnt feel right to do so. But I feel ya on this.
Submission Name: residue of goodbye
