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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Mixdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: shootingstar
    ASL Info:    22/f/hell
    Elite Ratio:    3.15 - 102/120/21
    Words: 122
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 1611
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 889



    Description:
       a pile of my short unfinished junk. each of these "stanzas" are their own. I gotta edit later


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMixdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Another lonely wound,
    Running from a serrated savior.
    One drop for every lie,
    And my cup is overflowing.
    Bear the scars,
    The empty promises,
    And the eternal burden,
    With a smile.
    A terrified, trembling child,
    Cowers in the sunshine.


    Erase, deface and hide inside,
    The lies you cry
    mean nothing.
    Broken children wander tonight,
    Through streets of violent shadows.
    Wanting only to live,
    And love,
    To be safe from the monsters,
    Who rattle empty closet doors.
    Silence is suffocating.

    Hear me.
    For I am the noise,
    Gentle and cold.
    I scream naked at life.
    Who will hear,
    But satin stars,
    Hung upon my ceiling.
    Feed emotion to the wind,
    But hold tight to your soul.




    Submitted on 2004-05-20 07:52:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Whoa. Wait a minute. Im in shock. Ok, this was awesome. I love the different types of stanzas...you know. One is abstract, one is real as, real, and the other just flows easily. You sort of write about the things I do, we are somewhat alike, ofcourse though, you are way more talented. Good write.

    -Bruno
    | Posted on 2004-06-25 00:00:00 | by brunov68 | [ Reply to This ]
      Well, like you said, the stanza each are their own they don't really connect, but I can say, that each stanza is the beginning to an awesome poem. I think the first one is my favorite, I love this:
    Another lonely wound,
    Running from a serrated savior.
    One drop for every lie,
    And my cup is overflowing.
    This is great! Keep it up on this, I know it will be good when finished.
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by ViCiOuSWrItEr | [ Reply to This ]
      it's a tie between the second and third... the first wasn't as great, maybe I just don't like cutting poems =^..^= the third was very... dreamy, trancey, what's the word I'm looking for................... abstract, that's the one. The second is very relistic and easy to understand, both flow well... I think all could have a little added on but not much, they tell their whole story inone breath. I think the third is the one that needs the most... to balance the abstract with realism. ~Coranna
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]


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