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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Per Capitadots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: annie0888
    ASL Info:    49/f/LA
    Elite Ratio:    4.76 - 327/382/122
    Words: 93
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 915
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 597



    Description:
       This is how I think God is NOT. This might be only the first half of a poem. I almost feel like I should tell the rest of the story - how I think God IS. But I'm not sure how to do that.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsPer Capitadots
    -------------------------------------------


    In bestowing good gifts
    like parking spots and wine and love,
    a less gracious god would grant us each, say,
    one, or fifty, or a hundred.

    A hundred front row parking places,
    no less, no more.
    What would we say then,
    when we learned the hero driving the firetruck
    used his last front door space
    to run into the Spend-N-Sav
    for cigarettes
    while our house was going up in flames?

    A hundred front row parking spaces
    Fifty fine Merlots
    One perfect kiss
    No more, no less.




    Submitted on 2006-08-20 00:14:20     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      Another good one (you need to start submitting your work for publication if you haven't already). The concept's a good one and nicely expressed. Only change I might consider would be to change 'while our house was going up in flames?' to 'while our house went up in flames?' Just a thought. Nice job here.

    Peace, love and all that other junk,

    Joe

    | Posted on 2006-08-25 00:00:00 | by joeyalphabet | [ Reply to This ]
      That was a wierd poem. I liked the style of it, but the content was so eclectic that I had to check and make sure I was reading the same poem. The premise and the title were appealing, and fun, but the perfect kiss at the end made things a little too secular and worldly for the rest of the poem, which seemed to be very etherial. I think the poem would benefit from a little clarification, and deleting that one single line. Other than that, a work of magic, this was a very interesting idea, and a nice look on something a little different than most poems. Thanks much.
    Wishing for more
    ~Brian
    | Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by Imadjinn | [ Reply to This ]
      In bestowing good gifts
    like parking spots and wine and love,
    a greedy god would grant us each, say,
    one, or fifty, or a hundred.

    A hundred front row parking places,
    no less, no more.
    What would we say then,
    when we learned the guy driving the firetruck
    used his last close parking space
    when he ran into the Spend-N-Sav
    for cigarettes
    while our house was going up in flames?

    A hundred front row parking spaces
    Fifty fine Merlots
    One perfect kiss
    No more
    No less


    I'm afraid I have to disagree, a greedy God wouldn't limit our opportunities, but a beaurocratic deity might be inclined to do so (greedy gods tend never to share anything which makes it unprofitable to worship them). Frankly, you've already informed the world what God is like by demonstrating what He isn't, so adding to the length of the write might be counterproductive. You've effectively displayed the fallacy of a heavenly bookkeeping system applied to divine, and therefore unearned, gifts. Just a thought.

    No nits to pick here.
    Very nicely done.
    Take care.
    Bill.

    | Posted on 2006-08-20 00:00:00 | by rws | [ Reply to This ]


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