ghosty... i like this. i like how you created it how the first stanza is so removed from most peoples reality and how the seond stanza is the persons reality and the drawing of parallels between the two...
sent out to pay the price of a lonely god saturn will spin as the phoenix frees the slave from the jaws of the sun
i especially like the first part of this... price of a lonely god... i dunno... when i think of greek/roman gods and all the antics they got up to the only thing i can say is they musta been heaps bored and decided to cause some mischief. then i get to thinking about time and space and how god (atleast the one i worship) is outside of time and space and limited to nothing and i wonder if he ever gets lonely...
the jaws of the sun... thats a really strong sharp defiant image right there... god must be really bored. and thats a HUGE price... i wonder what it was god did that incurred such a price...
on a perfect day we will blend in we will talk with our mouths like human beings and until then like a ring of ashes
on a perfect day... theres a lot of things that will happen on perfect days but then i think of lou reed and his song perfect day... i HATE that song but i think i digress... yeah... i do...
we will blend in and talk with our mouths. sounds like an interesting thing to do with a perfect day...
im thinking though that something is missing from the end... realising you are trying to portray what we are until that perfect day i love the idea but it doesnt quite work for me in its current form unless i am missing something which i really could be.
but yes... on the whole i like this one ghosty baby... im waiting for my perfect day...
I had to read this a couple times over to kinda get a good ummm [insert proper term here] into my head...but I really liked it. What I got out of it was that the 'world' as we know it wasn't limited to this planet or whatever you want to call it, but to the universe as a whole.
That's about all I got right now...mind me if i'm not making much sense...lol...anyways..that's all i got...ttyl
Submission Name: space and time
