Description: I wrote this at 3:30am not really able to sleep although very tired. Alot is going through my mind. This is my first recent poem I've wrong in a long time. As you can see its about family my Mother,Father and Step Father... Please let me know what you think.. .what I can improve on. And yes I know I over use a few words but nothing else seemed to fit.. I just kind of wrote whatever came to mind. Well thankx to those who comment I do appericate it
Pulled from all directions
That could be possibly thought of
And in one of these directions
Is the person who gave birth to me?
Who has been in my life since the day I was born
And until now…
My 18th birthday…
But she was also the one
To put me in a situation that was not safe
Knowing this she still sold the house
That was having a hard time selling as it was
Knowing the harmful environment
She still felt it was necessary for her and her daughter
To Leave, To Go!
Then in a completely opposite direction
Is the person who rarely seems to appear?
Yet when he does it forever leaves an impression on me.
For this guy, who seems to show up only when needed?
Is my father and forever he will be.
I forever longed for that relation
And it felt as if the more I longed for it
The less it seemed as if it were going to happen…
Longed to have a father there
To have that figure in my life…
I did…I mean I do
In yet another direction
Is a person who shows his love in all the wrong ways?
Feels that certain things are okay
But it is blunt that his actions are wrong
This person who seems to show their love in the wrong way…
Is and forever will be my step father.
Although I have forgiven him
For his wrongful ways of showing his undying love for me
The hurt… the pain is and always will be there
I longed for a relation I did and will not have with my father
And a man comes into my Mother’s life
Able to give me a chance to trust, love, and confide in…
Only to BETRAY me
to BACK STAB me
To take away what I did not even have yet!
Although I was able to see it... I was in reach of that relation...
Yet it was pulled away from me..
And for years and years to come I will be keeping it in
From one direction I am pulled dying for her daughter’s attention
Longing to have the relation with her daughter, that in return her daughter only wants from her father…
Simply because he does not want her!
Forever I will remember my Mother’s attempts to get close with me
Although she did and will never success in them
Then in another direction
I am pulled in by his wrongful yet meaningful actions…
Its one thing when a person knows other’s actions are wrong and the person making these actions do not realize they are wrong.
Yet its another thing when you tell them their actions are wrong but they seem to try to find justification for their actions... as if they know they are wrong but simply digging … searching for an excuse
And it’s another thing when you love the person yet
You have a passion of hatred built up for them… because their actions have made you … who you are today.
And who’s to say… what kind of person you would be
If it weren’t for his blunt mistakes
Forever I will remember my Step Father...
Not because he was there for me
Not because he filled that empty hole in my hart that my Father left me with
And not because I was able to have the relation I was so longing for
But because of the choices he made
Will forever affect me and my life
Your step father knew what he was doing was wrong. When you added to this and told him. His excuses were a way of trying to justify it, but it is who he is and you nor the penial system will ever be able to change that. You said in another piece that his daughter ran away. Was it because of the same reasons you put him in prison?
I understand forgiving him. But not for him for you. So you can heal some and move past that jail he put you in.
And if your mother knew I' m sorry but that make yer just as criminal. She was supposed to protect you first above all else.
And the last thing I can say is you say your father was only there when needed. Time is a funny thing and when we long for time in someones life and don't get it sometimes it grays the other things they give us. HE could have only been there when convienant and not when needed.
One day at a time it does get better if you give it time to heal. Forgiving is the first step in that and you seem to know you need to forgive, for you and you alone.
I agree with Dean, this is very emotional. I can't relate to it, but I can tell you that I liked it and usually I don't like reading long poems. But this was so deep, I couldn't take my eyes off it. You did a great job at describing your situation and putting your readers in your place. I could picture everything, and although some of it was a little sad, I very much enjoyed reading it. This was a very powerful write.
Very well thought out poem, alot of emotion in it, you really lay out your feelings when you write and that is great I trry to do the same in my poems, better on paper than held in forever, keep writing it makes everything easier to deal with, and don't worry things will improve with time, only time can help heal some wounds, thanks for sharing with us, Dean