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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Depriveddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Beulah
    Elite Ratio:    4.78 - 588/414/44
    Words: 18
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1088
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 172



    Description:
       being forced to give up on someone or something but not prepared to let go completely...


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsDepriveddots
    -------------------------------------------


    unwillingly
    floating
    out of reach
    I hover
    instinctively
    just above
    the edges
    of your
    enclosed and
    gilded cage




    Submitted on 2006-08-21 12:26:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i liked this. i feel pretty trapped sometimes -- even though the cage might be gilded i still feel the need to escape sometimes . . . or find myself escaping . . . floating away without realizing, hehe. but the cage gives me secuirity. it probably wasn't really about what i felt like it was about. but it worked for me in that way, hehe. but yeah -- a very few words can say a lot, and this proved it.
    | Posted on 2007-10-24 00:00:00 | by Solomon Disease | [ Reply to This ]
      Quite powerful and sad, though its an interestingly way of speaking about caring for someone and having feelings for this person, yet being caged by reality.

    very good write

    Edward
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by edthepoet | [ Reply to This ]
      I went to the Petco store yesterday to look at Canaries for something i'm researching. They have a seperate room for the birds. There were two canaries, one male and one female in seperate cages sitting side by side.
    All the birds were excited when i entered the room, and so began to chirp and sing wildly. They ruffled feathers and spilled seed.
    I approached the canary cages...eye level to the right. I began to whistle and chirp, hoping to evoke a response. At first only the male made any noise...though both had taken notice of me, and were hopping about in their cages wildly and in distress. The male was larger, more lightly colored, and had black spots just above and behind his eyes.
    He chirped continuously, though it was more like a squeak. Then he settled on a perch and the female began to chirp. She made two distinct tones of squeak, one higher pitched than the other. Each time she made the higher pitched squeak....the male would inch nearer to the bars of her cage. until finally he was pressed against the bars directly adjacent to her cage.
    She continued to chirp and he continued to notice. The female was still distressed, but he was resigned to the fact that he could do nothing to help her....to comfort her....so he closed his eyes. One more high-pitched chirp from the female compelled him to extend his tiny beak through the bars of his little cage towards the bars of her, and once again he closed his eyes.

    I left... a sad and wiser man.

    later,

    kc
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by twacky | [ Reply to This ]
      This is really a good write where you capture an incredible amount of emotion in the short amount of words used
    I feel ike this write was wriiten from the perspective of someone who deeply wishes and knows that a person can help his or her life move forward as much as he or she can help their life
    Very well said
    God Bless
    Ron

    Please if you get a chance Please take a look at some of my writes and let me know what you think
    Thank You
    Ron
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by Ronswords | [ Reply to This ]
      I know the feeling. It's hard to let go and yet sometimes it's best. I try to think of things that don't work out as being meaningful for some other reason although that might take awhile to become clear. but I love your poem. it explains the feeling of being shut out so clearly. your poems always say so much in just a few carefully chosen words. that is certainly a gift. how've you been?
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by sierramuse8 | [ Reply to This ]
      Hi Beulah,

    It's great to see something new from you. I hope you are well.

    That "wanting more" feeling is what I love about minimalism. I don't like things to feel finished, because if they do, that's all there is. Besides, that feeling really fits the title quite well and ironically.

    I really like this, but I interpreted it differently from the description. (I always enjoy reading different interpretations of my work, so I thought I'd share this with you). I took it to be about worhsipping someone and putting him on a pedestal. For some reason, he's off limits, and that's why he's in a cage. The floating makes me think of that giddy feeling you get when you're in love. However, the love must go unrequited.

    Well done,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Your description is unnecessary... it's like a mirror of this poem telling me what to feel: ditch it (in my opinion). Lol, sorry.

    I feel like there should be a part two to this... the 'turn', the 'aha' moment... I'm not sure why. I think it's minimalist poetry that does this to me... I'm always craving more but I don't get it. It's like... having one piece of chocolate bar when you really want half the bar or all of it...

    Ok, to me... I get this image of a hummingbird hovering (you)... above this beautifully gilded cage (your ex-lover). It's gilded because you still think of that relationship as pretty... but it's only artificially pretty. Underneath the gold gild lies bare metal... but you know this anyway, don't you?

    You're hovering because you're unsure whether you should go back into the cage like a good little bird, or whether you should wing it and find a nice free tree... hmm?

    Just my thoughts.
    Peace,

    Jase
    | Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by alteredlife | [ Reply to This ]


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