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Daddy's Burning Out


Author: LossOfHope03
ASL Info:    16/female/USA
Elite Ratio:    5.76 - 30 /29 /31
Words: 97
Class/Type: Poetry /Love
Total Views: 1136
Average Vote:    5.0000
Bytes: 582



Description:


this is about a little girl who's dad commits suicide when she is two. in this poem she is older and she explains what she would have done differently in one of the last pictures that was taken of them together.


Daddy's Burning Out



He looks at me,
But I look out.
I don't feel his burning out,
I don't feel his doubt.
If only I had known what I know now;
That this reluctant superstar
Would burn out in flames.
I would have looked up at him,
I would have held his face in my tiny hands.
I would have kissed him on the cheek.
I would have said: "I love you, Daddy",
In my best two year old voice.
I would have held him tight and refused to let go.
If only I understood then,
What I understand now.




Submitted on 2006-08-21 15:38:16     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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Comments


  I've been away for a while and thought I'd browse through some poetry. I came across this poem and the feeling in it, from the first few lines, made me want to read more;

He looks at me,
But I look out.
I don't feel his burning out,
I don't feel his doubt

These lines made me think from the get go. As you have already explained, this is a poem about a photo and because of that, I imagined a daddy holding his child and looking at her with love and the child is oblivious to this;

The next lines are 'punch in the gut stuff' it is so full of emotion, the words are being spoken from the lips of an adult child. ;

I would have looked up at him,
I would have held his face in my tiny hands.
I would have kissed him on the cheek.
I would have said: "I love you, Daddy",
In my best two year old voice.

The last few lines complete your poem in the way I really like; it leaves the true ending to the imagination of the reader;

I would have held him tight and refused to let go.
If only I understood then,
What I understand now.

I wanted to read more but at the same time, I can't think of anything else that would have summed your poem up any better than you have already. It is short but totally complete. Fantastic poem. Mel.



| Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by litllost | [ Reply to This ]
  Hey,

This is really sad. I can't even begin to imagine what it must feel like.

If only we could have known back then what we know now, things would had been so different. We'd be living in harmony with no mistakes and no heartaches. Things would be better if only we could had known. I'm not trying to compare anything here, i'm just trying to relate her although it's not as bad as this is though. I once said something confidential to my mom that i thought would be better if i told her the truth and so i did. I told her something personal about spirituality. Because i told her what happened to me, she started dealing with the exact thing i told her. And because of that, she stopped focusing on herself and began focussing on this spirituality. After a few months, i saw what has happened to our family and i blame myself everyday for telling her. If only i knew what i know today, i would have kept my mouth shut. So things like these is so frigged up. Sorry if i couldn't be more descriptive but i just wanted to make a general statement...I don't want to bore you with my stories.

Anyhow, on the piece itself, i'd suggest to change the title. It sounds like one of those love poems to a boyfriend or girlfriend and also it doesn't portray what your piece is all about or how people can actually connect the two together.

This was sad to read though. I really can't imagine someone going through this kind of phase. Hope all is well.

Take care....
~Irina
| Posted on 2006-08-21 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
  Hi Nickie.

Well, as Irina said already, this is very sad. It's so easy to look back on the past and say "if I knew back then what I know now..." Hindsight really is 20/20 vision, you see everything so clearly after it's already happened.

"That this reluctant superstar"

I like that. I don't think I've ever seen anyone refer to a parent as a superstar. Usually you hear god or hero but I can honestly say this is the first time I've seen superstar used (so, points for originality in your word choice).

When we love someone, it's sometimes hard to see what they're going through because we want to believe that they're getting the best, you know? You never want to believe that someone you love is suffering, and at two years old, it's even harder to understand the emotional struggle that a parent is going through, especially if everything seems normal on the outside.

I can't really offer any criticism on this because there is nothing that I would change. When you have a poem that comes from the heart, through personal experience or not, it shows. The piece may have been short, but all the emotions are there. The regret, the doubt, the longing. So, I guess all there is left to say is that you did a great job and I wish you the best. ...bb...

Tay ~~
| Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by Phoenix2004 | [ Reply to This ]


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