Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Stream of Unconsciousnessdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: oixi
    ASL Info:    50/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 196/243/100
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 802
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463



    Description:
       Rhyming couplets about a poisonous stream.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStream of Unconsciousnessdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Sweet water siphoned from a sullied stream
    Quench your thirst and have nightmarish dreams

    Quaff the poison to slowly die
    Sipping may sate and bulge your eyes

    Take a taste and writhe with pain
    Drink it down to go insane

    Wicked waters with wary ways
    A draft of death for darkened days

    So if you’re weary of living life
    Slurp from this stream to stay your strife.




    Submitted on 2006-08-22 14:02:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      DD! I really liked the end... it just tied it up very neatly and it was quite lovely in a death and doom way, lol. <3~ I love all your poetry. ~Cora
    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh very pleasing to read! Greatly woven words with a flow that makes the words just roll off the tongue. I've never read a poem over and over and loved it more every time I read it aloud. Greatly written, there is nothing to correct, if it got any better, I would absolutly die reciting this to myself. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    115389

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Transparent written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    Push written by JanePlane
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    Bond written by saartha
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    Life changes in a moment written by Ramneet
    This written by Chelebel
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Giving written by jjd
    The Promise written by annie0888
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Red Barn written by rev.jpfadeproof
    To written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    In My Head written by faideddarkness

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry