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    dots Submission Name: Stream of Unconsciousnessdots

    Author: oixi
    ASL Info:    50/M/California
    Elite Ratio:    2.85 - 196/243/100
    Words: 72
    Class/Type: Poetry/Dark
    Total Views: 790
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 463

       Rhyming couplets about a poisonous stream.

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsStream of Unconsciousnessdots

    Sweet water siphoned from a sullied stream
    Quench your thirst and have nightmarish dreams

    Quaff the poison to slowly die
    Sipping may sate and bulge your eyes

    Take a taste and writhe with pain
    Drink it down to go insane

    Wicked waters with wary ways
    A draft of death for darkened days

    So if you’re weary of living life
    Slurp from this stream to stay your strife.

    Submitted on 2006-08-22 14:02:10     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      DD! I really liked the end... it just tied it up very neatly and it was quite lovely in a death and doom way, lol. <3~ I love all your poetry. ~Cora
    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by Cora Windover | [ Reply to This ]
      Oh very pleasing to read! Greatly woven words with a flow that makes the words just roll off the tongue. I've never read a poem over and over and loved it more every time I read it aloud. Greatly written, there is nothing to correct, if it got any better, I would absolutly die reciting this to myself. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by precious_poetry | [ Reply to This ]

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