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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: My Favorite Poisondots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 73
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 460
    Average Vote:    3.5000
    Bytes: 513



    Description:
       Poetry for me is a way to get it all out. My notebook isn't a journal as much as a bunch of paper chocked full of my feelings from every day of my life. But anyways, I had some trouble getting the last stanza to sound like I wanted it too. Any suggestions would be much appreciated.


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    dotsMy Favorite Poisondots
    -------------------------------------------


    Kept in a sealed box,
    In the shadows of my heart,
    Secrets, passionate longing,
    Tearing me apart.

    Silently yearning,
    To never awaken,
    A sinner as I sleep,
    Forever forsaken.

    Always a though of you,
    To forever haunt me.
    Always getting close enough,
    To forever taunt me.

    But when I lose this longing,
    I lose my reason to wake.
    You are my favorite poison,
    To cure this pain and heart ache.




    Submitted on 2006-08-22 14:34:59     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like it it just the way it is all but one word?
    though should be thought just left out a letter is all. Great write!
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      this isnt too bad at all.
    at first when i first took a glimpse at it i was kinda like "eh"
    and then i read it and it wasnt baad.
    i kinda understand how you had trouble with the last stanza, but it still somewhat works.

    -Bleedingtears
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by BleedingTears | [ Reply to This ]


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