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    dots Submission Name: Oh, If Just to Hold Youdots

    Author: precious_poetry
    ASL Info:    19 F TN
    Elite Ratio:    3.17 - 137/145/67
    Words: 112
    Class/Type: Poetry/Longing
    Total Views: 514
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 735

       Don't ask, don't tell.

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    dotsOh, If Just to Hold Youdots

    Wanting and waiting
    The anticipation burns
    Your body against mine,
    Oh how my heart yearns.

    Skin on skin, lips on lips,
    Lost in an ocean of sheets.
    An expression of true feelings,
    All is naught but a fantasy.

    To be with you, I shut my eyes,
    Trapped here all the while,
    Between whats right and wrong.
    You torment me with your smile.

    In my arms for one night,
    An evening of sheer bliss,
    To meet you outside my dreams,
    To finally have your sweet kiss.

    You return to me each night
    In my pleasantly haunting dreams,
    And I will continue to sleep
    To cherish the pain they bring.

    Submitted on 2006-08-22 15:02:11     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
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    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I know we're supposed to critique, but if there's nothing wrong with what you wrote, I'm not going to criticize! Also, I am a little biased because this is exactly how I feel about a guy I work with. You've described how I feel every day, every night. You've woven beautiful words together. I love "Lost in an ocean of sheets". I can relate to how torn you are between right and wrong because this crush I have is on someone unavailable who torments me with his smile every day. The last line wraps this up with a strong ending. I share your hopes - maybe some day our fantasy will come true (but I'm not holding out much hope for my own). I'll keep my fingers crossed for yours though!
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by Lisa Milligan | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this poem I feel almost the same way. Did this dream really happen, or did you just make this up? The ryhming really almost made the poem. Every other line desribed what you would be dreaming and what the actions would be. This was a really great poem keep up the good work.

    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by inlove2009 | [ Reply to This ]
      i love this peice and i know how u feel by when they return in your dreams.. i can fully relate to that.. keep it up.. its good you can get your feelings donw on paper so well.
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by unnatainable | [ Reply to This ]
      This piece is as your name, *Precious Poetry*
    If this is a recurring dream, then I would sleep good every night. If this isn't fiction, then your the lucky one. You go Girl..!
    The Poor Man's Poet.
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by Bobby K | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem really says how you feel. How bad you want something. Your dreams sound so real when you descibe it this way..then again, it may be. I liked the words you used in this poem, it describes so much.
    Keep on dreaming...
    ~*~ Lisa ~*~
    | Posted on 2006-08-22 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]
      I absoultly loved it! You put so much heart feflt emtoin into this peice and the only thging I could think about when reading this was this is the way I feel about the guy I love! I like this poem lots because it's something every girl can relate to in their own way which is great also it's short and obviously straight to the point Great work! Keep writing
    -- Crys
    | Posted on 2006-08-31 00:00:00 | by Hip-Hop Honey | [ Reply to This ]

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