great to see someone taking the time and effort to carry through with a rhyme scheme!! :) one thing to be careful of though, you don't want to make your lines sound stilted for the sake of the rhyme "but in that no consolation do i find" maybe try using a rhyming dictionary if you're stuck for rhymes? or even use a slanted rhyme, it can add to the effect of the stanza and really make the line stand out
i really liked the imagery you had in the last two verses of the pent-up emotion heading for an eruption, you carried it through well
i really like this. i've felt the same thing happen to me. The only thing that don't like is the 6th stanza. it doesn't rhyme at all, and it ruins the overall effect. just work on that, and it'll be perfect.
A really good effort, the continuation of the rhyme throughout the poem is good to see and is quite rare in poems on this page. I liked the feel of the poem it seem very real to life and somethin many people could relate with. Although the poem is quite obviously depressed it is not too down beat which makes it a pleasure to read
Submission Name: Hurt
