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    dots Submission Name: Until Death Do Us Partdots

    Author: Imaginth
    Elite Ratio:    5.18 - 43/50/19
    Words: 171
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 945
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 1136

       Some random poem thingy I was working on when i was supposed to be doing my homework.

    What do you expect from me? To actually do my homework at home?

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsUntil Death Do Us Partdots

    Rain drops race down your face as it pours the angel's tears outside.
    Anger strikes faster than the lightning bolts next to us.
    Your rival stands between what you love and desire above all others in this world.


    Fists soar and the nectar of life pours onto the rain slicked streets.
    Not a sound escapes from my parted lips.
    The breath of life is snatched away from me.


    Your clothes are soaked with the nectar that once fed the man at my feet.
    My heart ruptures as my body gives into the cold.
    So slow, so far away is the ground which I so long to touch.


    Arms grasp my limp body.
    Faint warmth embraces us as you hold me.
    The cold, oh the cold!


    Hushed is my heart.
    Memories flood the turmoil of my mind.
    Longing to feel you and hold you just a moment longer.


    Submitted on 2006-08-23 17:56:56     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      The thing i liked most about your piece is the way you have structured it. It's so unique and original that it makes me want to read what you have to say about this. And also i loved the title. It drew me in as the topic is an excellent choice to talk about. That is the one thing love does to you but these days i doubt that death is what draws people apart unless they are willing to work at things...Don't see those things anymore. Divorce is so much easier and walking away is so much easier because there are so many people out there who desire for love that forgetting someone can be done in a snatch. That sucks sometimes when you really think about it.

    Anyhow, i liked the way you've used a narrative or a description on one part and then very briefly said your feelings...It makes me feel as though i live through the picture by seeing what is happening and feeling it. Very smartely done.

    The thing that i didn't really like about this piece is that i think you should use different word choice. Although the long words help alot by stating the difference between the first and second stanza, the words are not as powerful as you probably would have meant them to be. I don't know, just a feeling i am getting. But then it could be just me thinking that it was a good thing that you weren't focusing on your homework and also a bad thing...lol

    But still, i did enjoy the style you've used and the thoughts you've given me...So this was a very interesting read filled with so many ideas that i actually appreciate having in my head...
    Anyhow, do take care...

    | Posted on 2006-08-23 00:00:00 | by charmedidentity | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very well written. You desribed everything magnificently, the flow was good, and the word choice great. I love this line, "Anger strikes faster than the lightning bolts next to us." It just popped out at me. I have nothing negitive to say, so this is going tp be a very short comment. Sorry. I did love this though, killing and love. Great combo
    Keep up the amazing work, and I'll keep reading.

    Sweet Blood Vampire
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by SweetX_XBlood | [ Reply to This ]

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