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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: the gift you leftdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: ibelikeso
    ASL Info:    27/M/FL
    Elite Ratio:    4.99 - 119/106/24
    Words: 313
    Class/Type: Story/Love
    Total Views: 860
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 1641



    Description:
       true story of my life


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsthe gift you leftdots
    -------------------------------------------


    you'll never know

    There was once a girl who had a Golden box.
    To me she said "I trust you to take care of this, so that it wont get lost". Unfortunately she had to go and never did i get to see... her face that was so joyful when she gave that gift to me.
    I tried as I could to find its right place. But amongst all the things that I have, it is the one thing that can never be replaced. The only thing left was to keep it with me, to care for it as i know and just let it be.
    Everywhere I go I keep it hidden inside of me. This box so well hidden that others will never get to see...
    That every now and then the box begins to spill.
    The things that are inside, like crystals they look, like crystals they feel.

    These crystals as priceless and so precious can they be. They are pouring so slowly, cutting deep inside of me. They continue to cut until they finally are set free.
    when they finally come out, to the ground they go crashing. To keep them inside I have tried so hard. But as tears it seems, this salty rain drops that come from her heart.
    So I cant keep the box closed, nor keep the crystals inside. I can only manage to keep them hidden from others, as they build up in my eyes.
    Just as I try to hide that I wish I could die. so many reasons to leave this hard life....
    To be with the girl that gave me that Golden box, (that love we all long for to know in this life), she gave me that gift on the day she became my wife.


    Rachel Diaz-Blandon
    10 November 1986- 27June2006





    Submitted on 2006-08-23 21:18:34     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      There was once a girl who had a Golden box.
    to me she said, "I trust you to take care of this, so that it wont get lost". Unfortunately she had to go and never did i get to see... her face that was so joyful when she gave that gift to me.
    I tried as I could, to find its right place. But amongst all the things that I have, it is the one thing that can never be replaced. The only thing left was to keep it with me, to care for it as I know and just let it be.
    Everywhere I go I keep it hidden inside me, this box so well hidden that others will never get to see.
    Every now and then the box begins to spill.
    The things that are inside like crystals they look, like crystals they feel.

    These crystals as priceless and so precious as can be. They are pouring so slowly, cutting deep inside of me. They continue to cut until they finally are set free.
    When they finally come out to the ground they go crashing. To keep them inside I have tried so hard. As tears it seems, these salty rain drops that come from her heart.
    So I cant keep the box closed, nor keep the crystals inside. I can only manage to keep them hidden from others, as they build it in my eyes.
    just as I try to hide that I wish I could die. So many reason to leave this hard life....
    To be with the girl that gave me that Golden box, (that love we all long for to know in this life), she gave me that gift on the day she became my wife.

    You don't have to pay attention to my critiques. I just wanted you to see my portrayal of what this piece should be.

    You started off with caps in the proper places...then it read like you got lazy or something. I can overlook them things when it is done thoroughly through out the whole post.

    Few spelling errors...blah blah blah.

    Other then that kind of side of it.....I loved the story in this. And the way that you did keep up the rhythm. The rhythm added a lot of power to the piece.

    I truly give this one big ups!

    Much love,

    Li Li
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by Munchie_1226 | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
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    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    115558

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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    January 10 07
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