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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Wings Of Roachesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 98
    Class/Type: Poetry/BrokenHeart
    Total Views: 1231
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 692



    Description:
       It's about when someone tells you they love you and you don't believe them.
    I know it's not my best, but it's what made me the way I am. So fuck you.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsWings Of Roachesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Winter air reminds me of
    the coldness of my love,
    like opening the wings of roaches.
    Underneath the door, I see
    shadows reaching into me,
    forming as your foot approaches.

    For one moment, the razorblade touched me.
    It felt so much better than your hands.
    In those few seconds, you loved me,
    but I didn't understand.


    Blood drips from an open scar.
    Hearing just how close you are,
    I blink my eyes to keep from crying.
    Doorknob turns. I see your face
    staring with such deep disgrace.
    I wish I'd known you weren't lying.




    Submitted on 2006-08-24 00:37:30     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      i would love to get into your head and just crawl around for a while. "wings of roaches" hell just the title is brilliant, it's like took and tear out pieces of your life, the parts that are unpretty, and make them beautiful. the lastline defiatly wraps this up, a final twitst.
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      wow i loved, this piece, the wording and the imagery..

    "For one moment, the razorblade touched me.
    It felt so much better than your hands.
    In those few seconds, you loved me,
    but I didn't understand."

    i loved how u reached some kind of confused sencorality, very powerful, these are very powerful, lines, u used a classec subject, but held away from cliché's, nice poem loved it,

    "staring with such deep disgrace.
    I wish I'd known you weren't lying"

    i loved the twist of this, very original, and beautifully written,.

    | Posted on 2006-11-11 00:00:00 | by -=Bass=- | [ Reply to This ]
      *sniffle* Been there, done that, and as much as I try not do, I still doubt those three little words. I really connected with this piece, and it was beautifully written. WHy to pull the heartstrings! Hehe - the imagery was stunning, I love the use of the wings of roaches, very original. Awesome write, as per normal!

    ~Mandi Gayle~
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      I love your writing it creates so much imagry in my head that it makes me want to cry. I have just recently exited a very unhealthy relationship. I have cut before and have many scars. I hope that you really haven't gone throughthis pain and if you hav. Just let me know where he lives. Lol. Your poetry is awesome. Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-10-24 00:00:00 | by Misread_Word | [ Reply to This ]
      I hate cutter crap poetry. Sorry. But being objective, as far as these poems go, I have to say this is probably the best one I have ever read. I love the wings of roaches image. So filthy, so gritty, so incredibly perfect for this poem. Love it. I also like the story, but if I never read another poem involving blood, and razor blades, and self mutilation it will be to soon.
    | Posted on 2006-10-21 00:00:00 | by solararia | [ Reply to This ]
      I've been told I'm thick when it comes to catching a hidden meaning in something... I don't understand what opening the wings of roaches has to do with anything?!

    I enjoyed the rhyme and the rythym... I really love the content. This is short but speaks a thousand words. He told me he loved me and I replied 'you don't love me, you don't even know me'... maybe he wasn't lying.

    I'm not really understanding 'the razorblade touched me. It felt so much better than your hands.' Enlighten me if you have time.
    | Posted on 2006-10-11 00:00:00 | by kiddo13 | [ Reply to This ]
      god damn you! all the talent everywhere went to you and you've left none for the rest of us sorry souls! sheesh!

    ok... that was a dramatic episode.

    i f***ing love this. You're amazing and i love you.

    i dont even kno what my favorite part is... it's just that good.

    ... so good that i'm gonna favortize it.

    sorry i cant say anything else. it's a good thing i shut up when i did,or we wouldnt be ableto fit your inflated head through the door at Best Buy.

    and we wouldn't want that to happen now would we?

    my dad says hi and that your dad makes him laugh still... after ALL those years.

    your adoring fan
    -Kate
    | Posted on 2006-10-03 00:00:00 | by MyFairCalamity | [ Reply to This ]
      The title speaks a lot about how you feel most of the time, I assume a lot about you by your titles. Assumptions are often wrong though, really I thin I assume to much about you... as much as I do know you, sometimes I feel like I have it all wrong. Anyway... sorry for the sidebar.

    I liked this, it had your unique touch, and definitely the spirit of love is pain, pain is love. I still find it hard to relate to your work, and I think I finally figured out why. I have purposfully removed myself from this style of thinking, from this area of dark emotion. I guess I found the light switch to that part of me and turned it off, becuase I decided I didn't want to feel that anymore... I think it was an immature decision. I shouldn't block out things, I should just learn how to control them... maybe I am not making sense. I am trying to say that, emotions arn't always wrong, but the lies we believe about ourselves and others through emotions are wrong. I hope you're following me.

    Have a day,
    Tom
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      Hate it when that happens.....someone says "I love you" but you look at them and can't believe them and only believe something bad is going to happen. What are you supposed to believe when everyone that has said those words have ever left? So, then you do something like this and see in their eyes too late that they....they were the ones that were different. I relate to this piece all too well. It's going to the favorites.



    Hey all, I'm just trying to get my reciprocation up. I'm down in the -'s pretty far. So, don't feel the need to comment on my work. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things at Elite. Think of it as a favor from me to you! Thanks for the read!
    <3BCute
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a touchingly sad poem. It flows beautifully with the rhyme all tied in nicely. Such a sad topic, and I think perhaps we have all been here before. At least I know I have. It is so hard to trust someone enough to let them in to the intimate details of your heart. Sometimes bad past experiences tarnish the present, even though they shouldnt, the heart doesnt forget these things, and we hang on to them and allow them to influence the future. Believing someone is genuine is so hard to do with all the rotten people in the world today, and finding out you should have, could have, but didnt, is definitely heartbreaking. Too little too late kind of thing. This poem is very well written and expressed. Nice work.

    Lorna
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by lmz | [ Reply to This ]
      This was very good but way to short. I think you could of made it much longer? But who am I to judge anothers poetry? It was great no matter the length.
    Kelley Frost
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by whendt | [ Reply to This ]
      I LIKE THIS WRITE I'M JUST NOT SURE ABOUT THE TITLE. IT KIND OF THROUGH ME OFF AND IT CAME ACROOS SORT OF OUT OF PLACE. BUT OTHER THAN THAT I LOVED IT AND I LOVE YOU

    GREAT WRITE
    LLCOLLINS
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by L.L.COLLINS | [ Reply to This ]
      wow. This is good, nikki. And really, really true. for some reason, the rhyme scheme was very subtle; I didn't even realize that it rhymed until I looked for a rhyme, and I think that's awesome. :)

    This is a great write and I wouldn't change anything about it!

    I hope your doing well!

    IHS,
    zac
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by littleshuford | [ Reply to This ]
      da, but, uh, mm, , just, a ...(breath) whoa! Just damn. I miss reading your stuff. Maybe I'll ditch class so I can catch up. How the hell do you do it? I know how i do, and sometimes I lement that; but whatever. This is sweet, in it's own way. Obviosuly not autobiographical; unless you're a ghost. You're not a ghost are you? If you were that would explain your outerworldly talent. This is wonderful, and I hate for that(joke); but thanx for the lovely write, bye now :)
    | Posted on 2006-09-04 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      OMG, I read your writing and this little immature voice in my head just screams "its not fair, why can't you be more like her?!?!?!?" you are SO good at writing in general, I seriously doubt I've ever read anything of yours that I didn't like . this was so sad though, I could really relate, the title kinda didn't seem to "fit" in my mind but that could just be a matter of perspective...plus where does it ever say that the title has to make sense? so anyway yeah, lol, summing that waste of a comment up could just be "great write" <3
    laters,
    ~jess
    | Posted on 2006-10-23 00:00:00 | by silent_death12 | [ Reply to This ]
      This is sad. Sometimes, people get suspicious for no reason at all and that can result in something bad. I loved the way you carried this one out. You created some disturbing imagery, but I guess that was necessary to capture the true emotions felt at that time. The rhymes were excellent in some places, and not so much in others. I think this deserves to go in my favourites list.



    Abbas
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]


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