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    dots Submission Name: Abide With Medots

    Author: The Gadfly
    ASL Info:    52/M/Moreno Valley, CA
    Elite Ratio:    3.55 - 1048/1348/375
    Words: 123
    Class/Type: Poetry/Passion
    Total Views: 1114
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 753

       Sonnet format

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAbide With Medots

    Abide with me, O God, for I am weak.
    This curse in mortal flesh bound by each sin,
    is blind to Heaven's path that I must seek,
    before the way is closed, pray lead me in.

    Who cast the stars across the even sky
    and pressed the firmament with one command?
    Who drew from dust this apple of Your eye?
    O, surely Lord, this much I understand.

    For mercy's sake, in love, You paid such price;
    no strength had I, thus burdened, hoped to bear.
    There never was a greater sacrifice.
    One God, alone, Himself, left hanging there.

    Arise from death, O love, You set me free!
    For I am weak, O God, abide with me.

    The Gadfly

    Submitted on 2006-08-24 05:13:29     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      A classic Shakespearian sonnet, not breaking a single rule, with a twist at the end, turning the first and the last sentences around so it will read from back to forth.

    The fist stanza is almost a plea to God to forgive you, and to show you the way. In the second line you said we are almost born a sinner (“mortal flesh”), making us blind to see the path to heaven. I’m not sure about “this curse”, I know we are supposed to long to go to heaven, but I don’t think we should believe we are a curse, I think this life on earth can be seen as a curse comparing it to the life in heaven

    The second stanza you asked the creator of the stars and the earth, realizing how powerful he is.

    The third and lost stanza you thanked God for his sacrifice He make out of love, to set us free and help you to walk the right path.

    I think this is a very well, and beautiful written sonnet.
    | Posted on 2007-11-19 00:00:00 | by Polydectes | [ Reply to This ]
      You are not going to believe this, but I sure needed to read this, I feel just like the subject does these days and it sure hit home. This is a wonderful poem, one that is written well and really struck a cord. thank you for sharing this and writing about our Lord like you did. I can't find anything wrong with it. Great write!!!...Molly
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by Molly Densmore | [ Reply to This ]
      This was good. I liked how you weren't afraid to write about God, first of all. That and this piece makes you almost vulnerable. That you're calling out to that higher being to reside in you and make you strong again. It's beautiful. Really.

    Hey all, I'm just trying to get my reciprocation up. I'm down in the -'s pretty far. So, don't feel the need to comment on my work. I'm trying to get back into the swing of things at Elite. Think of it as a favor from me to you! Thanks for the read!
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      This is a beautiful piece. To write a sonnet is tough. To write about God is tough. But to put them together? Wow!
    The second line sort of hitched at the word "bound" the first time I read it, it could be just me, but it seems natural to put more of an emphasis on "bound" than "by" and therefore sort of throws of the rythm. If you understand what I mean, it could probably be fixed by a simple alteration/rearrangement of words.
    Also, in the first line of the second stanza, it seems the word "even" could be better placed.
    "Who cast even the stars across the sky" or "Who even cast the stars across the sky" to better portray awe.
    The third line of the third stanza confuses me. It seems you mean to say you wouldn't have the strength to even hope to bear the burden, but it doesn't quite come out that way.
    Overall, I'm impressed. A few glithes can be worked out, and it's a very good piece. I love the way the first and last lines are sort of mirror images.
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by freshcookies | [ Reply to This ]

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