my favourite line has to be the first, "the sky is darkened to a single gray" it shows how monotonous things can get when you think of the entirety of the greyscale itself... even if that wasnt how it was meant
Some lines don't flow very well but that is easily fixed. "Somehow your light still shines through" and "Creating you once again by my side" and "Unfortunately, life does not work that way Even while you leave, itís still with a smile." They just seem too long to fit into the poem smoothly.
I do like how the lines get shorter and shorter towards the end as if the plea for help is preventing you from being able to write.
The locket holds all our secrets Spilling only hope and time
That line...those lines. Just about snapped my heart in two. From what you told me you two are absolutely destined to be together. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: HOLD ON to it! Don't end up like me, K? That's be bad. The world can't deal with two of us! Hehehe. You're my hero!
PS: The fates wouldn't dare split you two up...if they do...while I'll just march right up to them and......
nice writes its ive gone through that.. seperation.. parents decided to move and left me with out a word in my tounge.. i like your style.. u got me Reminiscing but reality is nurishment great writes.. kep it up
wow girl, its like you took al my thoughts about things in my life and just put them on paper. how have you been btw , hope you are doing really well, anyway ake care this is a great write, and i hope we talk soon
I feel like I'm an expert at goodbye..and apparently you are too...because you captured the pain and sadness and hopelessness and helplessness of having someone that you love go away..you captured it so well. My boyfriend is in the military...so..I have said goodbye many times to him...and it is extremely hard. My favorite stanza in this poem was the last. When time together runs out...and there are no more days left...I'm forced to say goodbye to him. I then wait unti I see him again. It's so true what you wrote about trying to hide the tears and waiting until he's not looking to completely break down. Even if he thinks I'm strong...I know the truth..and I would give anything to be stronger. This was such a powerful piece for me and I felt every word. Great job. ~hailie~