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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Goodbyesdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: MorbidAngel114
    ASL Info:    20/f/Behind you
    Elite Ratio:    3.82 - 445/480/114
    Words: 141
    Class/Type: Misc/Love
    Total Views: 957
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 897



    Description:
       Take advantage of this, it's only gonna be up for a short time. Who knew writing your thoughts can make you cry so?


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsGoodbyesdots
    -------------------------------------------


    The sky is darkened to a single gray
    Through which no sunlight can find a way
    But even in these stubborn days
    Somehow your light still shines through

    The locket holds all our secrets
    Spilling only hope and time
    I fancy it could grant my wish
    Creating you once again by my side

    But fancies and wishes are for dreams
    Unfortunately, life does not work that way
    Even while you leave, itís still with a smile
    Because you know youíre moving on

    But the price of forward
    Can be such a harsh pay
    Goodbye or not,
    Youíve gone away

    Now time has abandoned us
    And the waiting has begun
    Secretly crying when you turn your back
    Iím not as strong as you think I am
    As I wish I am

    Please help me
    Somebody, pleaseÖ




    Submitted on 2006-08-24 17:13:41     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      my favourite line has to be the first, "the sky is darkened to a single gray"
    it shows how monotonous things can get when you think of the entirety of the greyscale itself... even if that wasnt how it was meant
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by musiclee | [ Reply to This ]
      Some lines don't flow very well but that is easily fixed. "Somehow your light still shines through" and "Creating you once again by my side" and "Unfortunately, life does not work that way
    Even while you leave, itís still with a smile." They just seem too long to fit into the poem smoothly.

    I do like how the lines get shorter and shorter towards the end as if the plea for help is preventing you from being able to write.

    Great poem. Keep writing.
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by Janelle | [ Reply to This ]
      The locket holds all our secrets
    Spilling only hope and time


    That line...those lines. Just about snapped my heart in two. From what you told me you two are absolutely destined to be together. I've said it before and I'm going to say it again: HOLD ON to it! Don't end up like me, K? That's be bad. The world can't deal with two of us! Hehehe. You're my hero!

    BCute<3

    PS: The fates wouldn't dare split you two up...if they do...while I'll just march right up to them and......
    | Posted on 2006-08-25 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      nice writes its ive gone through that.. seperation.. parents decided to move and left me with out a word in my tounge.. i like your style.. u got me Reminiscing but reality is nurishment great writes.. kep it up
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by bryan88 | [ Reply to This ]
      wow girl, its like you took al my thoughts about things in my life and just put them on paper. how have you been btw , hope you are doing really well, anyway ake care this is a great write, and i hope we talk soon
    | Posted on 2006-08-24 00:00:00 | by sweet_rayne | [ Reply to This ]
      I feel like I'm an expert at goodbye..and apparently you are too...because you captured the pain and sadness and hopelessness and helplessness of having someone that you love go away..you captured it so well. My boyfriend is in the military...so..I have said goodbye many times to him...and it is extremely hard. My favorite stanza in this poem was the last. When time together runs out...and there are no more days left...I'm forced to say goodbye to him. I then wait unti I see him again. It's so true what you wrote about trying to hide the tears and waiting until he's not looking to completely break down. Even if he thinks I'm strong...I know the truth..and I would give anything to be stronger. This was such a powerful piece for me and I felt every word. Great job. ~hailie~
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by loveispain | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    115655

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

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