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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Aestheticdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 161
    Class/Type: Poetry/Misc
    Total Views: 1472
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 1191



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsAestheticdots
    -------------------------------------------


    I only want one masterpiece.
    This frenzy isn't art.
    I sit alone each holiday;
    a noose around my heart.

    It's getting easier to pull,
    to tighten with each year,
    but even if it suffocates,
    the void won't disappear.

    Remember when I said the air
    of winter breathes slow death,
    and how the lights on Christmas trees
    are screaming, "nothing's left"?
    I may not tell you why the snow,
    so pure and simply white,
    controls the rings around my eyes
    when I don't sleep at night.

    My inspiration promises
    to never let me go.
    It's part of my anatomy,
    distorting what I know.
    Contorting once clear images,
    it's pushing them away;
    opening my deepest wounds,
    creating a display.

    And every time I see the stars
    atop gold-tinseled trees,
    my stomach tries to eat itself
    to grind those memories.

    I only want one masterpiece,
    but every word is wrong.
    Some artists wake the motionless,
    and others don't belong.




    Submitted on 2006-08-25 18:28:43     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

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    ||| Comments |||
      I like this, it’s so true. It describes the difficulties of being a poet, always wanting to write a masterpiece but somehow it never turns out that way, and you fiddle with it endlessly to try and make it work. (Or maybe that’s just a curse of being a Virgo).

    “My inspiration promises
    to never let me go.
    It's part of my anatomy,
    distorting what I know.”

    This is so true, poets can get inspired by the most random things at the most random times, or maybe the inspiration builds up until all at once, in an awkward place, the words just seem to…flood your mind, and you can’t do anything about it until you get home.

    “I only want one masterpiece,
    but every word is wrong.
    Some artists wake the motionless,
    and others don't belong.”

    I like this verse too, I guess every poet feels like this at some point, but the trick is to keep on writing.

    But I guess I have to critique this in order to leave a comment. Hmm…well, it seems to me that this verse could be changed a little to flow a bit better.

    “And every time I see the stars
    atop gold-tinseled trees,
    my stomach tries to eat itself
    to grind those memories.”

    Maybe it could be changed to this?

    “And every time I see the stars
    on the golden tinselled trees,
    my stomach tries to eat itself
    to grind the memories.”

    But again its just a suggestion.

    Thanks for the enjoyable read.

    Linzi x
    | Posted on 2007-02-20 00:00:00 | by Linzi | [ Reply to This ]
      
    | Posted on 2006-12-14 00:00:00 | by kicksandgiggles | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow. That's all I have to say, oh yeah and Holy Shat on Shatner...

    That was really good and I LOVE it. Love is the word in there if you didn't notice... anyway, amazing write, amazing flow, amazing word choice, I don't know what to make better or even critique you on. It's just amazing. Thank you for this. It is indeed helping me get through my writer's block.

    - Kyle B.
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by Namlooc20 | [ Reply to This ]
      You’re words burrowed into my heart.
    There’s a great deal of raw emotion in this piece, it can barely contain itself.

    “Remember when I said the air
    of winter breathes slow death”

    The feeling is mutual and oh how familiar.
    Yet another writer within Elite Skills that has eluded me.
    Hope you don’t mind if I peek at the rest of your workings.
    So glad to have found you.

    Until Next time….
    | Posted on 2006-10-27 00:00:00 | by theDevilsPocket | [ Reply to This ]
      ooohh... This reminds me a bit of something I wrote called "Only Words" - Although, it is not nearly as good as this! Wow, I loved the feelings behind this! It is so true, people don't really realise what it takes to be a poet, and the sacrifices we make. At least, I know I make sacrifices for my prose. Sometimes the price is pretty high, and I think you really brought that out in this. The loneliness, the line about inspriration not letting go.... It was all flawless, and I loved it! I think I will have to add this to my faves list :) Wonderful!

    ~Mandi Gayle~
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      DAMN! Now that's what I'm talking about! Right there, here it is! Granted this means more to me because I know exactly what the hell you're talking about, a non-writer might not appreciate it as much. But thats, just; [censored] yeha! I love you! I'd ask you to marry me; but I've already done that; so yeah. I do know though, I had one(not nearly half as good as this) saying that you "care for the words, but not of wence they're spoken" or something like that, idk. This is the write I've always dreamed of(god damn you!(joke). But you do it, for lack of a better word; perfectly. I really do appreciate the cost of this, along with everything before and to come; do know that the best-writers(meaning you!) always find something to write, no-matter of their life. I use to be afriad of being happy cause I'd have no idea what to write, and writing's my identity; don't be you're awesome enough that's not a forseable future. ask yourself(not that i want you to stop writing, god no!) How much, is a dream worth?
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      This is great. Could be one of the best I read here. It's going to my favorites. I just don't find the need to review it cause I would just repeat myself: great this, great that... Keep it up.
    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by Porcelaine | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmm so is that why you write so frequently, you are searching for the master piece within. Ok but maybe you have already written it and not realized.

    Shalom,
    Jay.
    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, yeah.
    You know, that comment you gave me suddenly feels so much better! If a person as good as you like my pieces, then I am to be humble!

    I cant really say what I really liked best about it. The flow and rythm was perfect. Everything fitted just lovely, and the words and images you uses are not average, but masterfully combined into great sceneries...
    So technically, this is perfect.

    It also felt so real, and true, I guess all of us that write/paint etc feel that way often. We just wish to manage to make something that make it all worth the time and effort. To evolve, and to be able to create that one piece that really stands out.

    Great write!
    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by ChrystalR | [ Reply to This ]
      Your expressing the pain it took to write this, as well as the reason. I think it probably hurt when you wrote it. It has alot of deep and painful expression.

    If you are refering to this as your masterpiece, and you truely feel it is, then it is. And I dont mean that in an insulting way at all. What I mean is...Is that I see it as a very technically constructed, deeply expressed work of art. An excellent write... It probably appears as a much grander impression to yourself, or of yourself if you know what I mean. I think you put a piece of yourself into this write. I love it, even if I got it all wrong... Going to the favorites Nikki.
    | Posted on 2007-01-02 00:00:00 | by spacedoutboy | [ Reply to This ]
      i loved every line but the sixth verse (stanza whatever) it didn't seem to have the same flow as the rest. otherwise i think your adoring fans are right. mmm tho personally i love the image of "a noose around my heart" the best. that and
    "I may not tell you why the snow,
    so pure and simply white,
    controls the rings around my eyes
    when I don't sleep at night."

    all the nights i don't sleep at night. there is just such an incredible vibe around all of your poems. deep
    | Posted on 2006-11-22 00:00:00 | by in shadow | [ Reply to This ]
      you never cease to amaze me. i cant put your talent into words.
    | Posted on 2006-12-22 00:00:00 | by LoveToHateMe | [ Reply to This ]


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