[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: If Windows Were Mirrorsdots

    Author: ACircuitShock
    ASL Info:    18/M/WA
    Elite Ratio:    3.53 - 221/243/40
    Words: 288
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 2243
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 2027

       Ummm...don't know what to say about this, some of the stanzas I'm not to sure about, help me!!! Tell me what you think!

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsIf Windows Were Mirrorsdots

    A stiff collar
    Laden with sweat,
    Droplets straining to reach the ground;
    They are hindered
    By these plaid obstructions.

    A broken window
    Dripping with crimson,
    Rivers of red searching for the soil.
    They yearn to return
    From whence they came,
    Leaving red rum rivulets;
    Stains upon the windowpane.

    This scene
    Could belong to anyone,
    But it is currently in the hands
    Of a boy.
    And if windows were mirrors
    He would see himself
    With his hands on his knees,
    Wishing it all away.

    "Wishes don't come to little boy's,
    And certainly not to killers."
    That's what his mother would say
    If she were still alive,
    But he will never hear her again.
    All it took was one night,
    One night where it all went too far.
    Being sent over
    Is far too easy,
    They say the precipice is sharp
    Over the edge of chaos.

    All the pain inside
    Was hypocritical
    And selfish,
    But did that make it
    Any less real to him?
    Do all these feelings
    That were spoonfed to him
    Not count?
    It's not his fault
    If the spoon was dropped
    On the way to the maw,
    And now the taste will forever elude him;
    Romance without a start.

    And if windows were mirrors
    A mother would be crying,
    Because her little boy can no longer hear her.

    And if windows were mirrors
    A little boy would not be ten feet below one,
    Lying still on cold dark pavement.

    If windows were mirrors
    This scene could not exist,
    Because the abilty to see
    One's self,
    Without flaw or lable,
    Is the abilty to breathe itself.

    So let's all inhale.

    Submitted on 2004-05-20 17:11:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      wow... i was really stuck by this... if windows were mirrors. i like how this started off kinda generalised and then zoomed right in on the boy... very effective. im really captured by the spoonfed feelings... thats a very powerful image! and i love how you tied this all together at the end... lets inhale.
    | Posted on 2004-05-28 00:00:00 | by Someones Epiphany | [ Reply to This ]
      hmmm... pretty neat. i like the somber feel of it and yet the hope at the end. (kinda made me feel relieved after the tragedy and all... i dunno). i LOVE (absolutely LOVE) the title.... it really created an awesome image in and of itself. this is definitely a different thought, and the originality makes all the better.
    | Posted on 2004-05-24 00:00:00 | by Dandan | [ Reply to This ]
      i love your last line endings on all your poems. they just give it kind of a kick.that's a sad story tho. the ending gives it hope. good write as usual.
    | Posted on 2004-05-21 00:00:00 | by shootingstar | [ Reply to This ]
      This was extremely original. I have never read a piece quite like this and I must admit it was really good! I wouldn't change a thing...
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Cai | [ Reply to This ]
      This seems pretty advanced for your age. Good job. I like it, especially the last line, it changed the whole mood for me from just negative back to positive again.
    | Posted on 2004-05-20 00:00:00 | by Sandburg | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]