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    dots Submission Name: Maybe In Another Nightdots

    Author: Liv2LoveThePain
    ASL Info:    19 - F - Philly
    Elite Ratio:    4.23 - 1527/1515/256
    Words: 54
    Class/Type: Misc/Misc
    Total Views: 954
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 431


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMaybe In Another Nightdots

    I want to die with you (so bad).
    Everything we ever had
    was swept away.
    thoughts get worse.
    "You must wonder why
    I look at you
    that way."
    Maybe in another
    we'll drive this hearse
    to a place we've never
    Underneath the sin,
    and toward the wrath of God.

    Submitted on 2006-08-26 01:32:33     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
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    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      This is the best poem I have ever read from you.

    hands down... it wins.

    | Posted on 2006-11-02 00:00:00 | by UnspokenDreamer | [ Reply to This ]
      *chills* hehe - that was really great! I liked the style of this one, it flowed really nicely. The ending was perfect! Really pulled me into the emotions, and I could see everything very clearly. Excellent write! :)

    ~Mandi Gayle~
    | Posted on 2006-10-26 00:00:00 | by Mandi Gayle | [ Reply to This ]
      Beautiful, I kinda feel wrong for saying that; but I'm sure you understand. A lot of people feel that to truelly love someone is to be willing to die for em; BULLSHYT! To love someone is to have every reason to die, but making them the one reason to live!(at least to me) As much as I love this(along with your other writes), I'd give it up in an instant if it meant you could/would be happy! I seem to have crossed the border where as much as I love your writes, I'd as soon not read them if it meant you were happy/happier. You will find happiness! You're just too wonderfully awsome not too!
    | Posted on 2006-09-14 00:00:00 | by dismentled | [ Reply to This ]
      Hmmm...I kind of have a problem with things that romanticize death and prop it up upon a pedestal as not only something to be desired but as the ideal way to prove/show/feel love for another person.

    I guess I have had too much of the obsession thing in my life (the threat of "If I can't have you, no one will" and similar frightening things have been beaten into my psyche again and again over the years, and it is not a good thing...)

    So the thought of being so devoted to a person and so in love that you want to die with them/for them just hits me the wrong way every time I hear it...

    But aside from the CONTENT of the piece, this was a good write. I liked the mix of rhyming pattern and the flow...and also think you did just right in adding the "(so bad)"...it's kind of like a whispered after-thought or echo on the line...

    Take care,

    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by Emerging Soul | [ Reply to This ]
      "I want to die with you (so bad).

    Loved this line, but I'm not so sure why you put "(so bad)" in brackets.

    "was swept away.

    I personally don't like rhymes when the rhyming words are so close to each other unless each line has only one word, no what I mean?

    "thoughts get worse.

    I would have suggested putting the two adjectives in one line so that you would have a consistent rhyme pattern but I liked the idea of the pauses and seperation before them.

    "You must wonder why
    I look [in your eyes?]
    that way."

    Loved the ending, so no suggestions there. You managed this pretty well,

    | Posted on 2006-08-26 00:00:00 | by abuzzbuzz92 | [ Reply to This ]

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