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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: LOCKED IN THE ATTICdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: bigrig0625
    ASL Info:    34 M Tx
    Elite Ratio:    2.96 - 40/73/19
    Words: 101
    Class/Type: Misc/Depressed
    Total Views: 1057
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 704



    Description:
       Being a prisoner of your own mind is a horrible thing. My mind is like an attic, and now and then I find myself locked inside! It is sometimes the embarrasment of asking for help that forces people over the edge or turns them into someone evil or derranged.


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLOCKED IN THE ATTICdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Locked in the attic
    No chance of escape

    With rifle in hand
    Unsure of your fate

    Do you shoot out the walls
    That can't be rebuilt

    Leaving family and friends
    To suffer your guilt

    You've yelled out for help
    And tugged at the door

    Should you pick up the gun
    That's now on the floor

    You know you need help
    There's no other way

    To admit to this problem
    What would they say

    You're spinning in circles
    Your thoughts are erratic

    If you bare it alone
    You'll be locked in the attic




    Submitted on 2006-08-27 13:34:13     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      good poem, i like the whole mind is an attic thing its cool

    Fana
    | Posted on 2006-10-19 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      thanks for the feedback on my poem :)

    I like how the problem almost is the solution in this case. The language of the last line emphasizes that.

    contrary to caotic_disaster, though, I think it's fine without punctuation. you are the poet, so you're in charge. I also kind of feel like the lack of punctuation creates the tension mirrored in the poem. Combined with the line breaks, its like the lines are quick thoughts. I'm not sure if that made sense, but its early for me.
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by Hollyhock18 | [ Reply to This ]
      Wow, and you're a new user?! Wow... I really liked it... I mean, geez... That was really good!
    Good job.
    -Missy
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Pabapfc | [ Reply to This ]
      I told you I'd come check it out. The idea turned into a great write. It is amazing. I knew your idea was good, but this poem is awesome. Overall Assesment: I'd have to say that this was like an A+. The only writing advice that I could maybe give you is to try to add in some punctuation. Just like ? marks and that kind of thing. It will help the reader read it, and make it flow better. Good job and keep writing.
    ~Caotic~
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by Caotic_Disaster | [ Reply to This ]
      I really liked this poem you have talent good work
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by inlove2009 | [ Reply to This ]
      I really enjoyed this. I've felt like this a lot lately. Lotta stuff going on with Ex's and stuff. I think I'm still locked in my attic. No ones rescued me yet. I enjoyed how it flowed and the words you used were simple yet pierced the reader.

    BCute<3
    | Posted on 2006-08-29 00:00:00 | by BCute | [ Reply to This ]
      I think this poem was really good. I didn't have to pause or anything because I loved the flow. I read it three times. Lol. Sometimes I feel like that... and it really relates to me. Sometimes I'm in a situation and I don't know what to do. This poem has different meanings to me and I like it.
    -------
    Thanx for that advice on my poem! It took me forever just to think of a rhyme and that was the best I could come up with. I'm going to use your advice and I'll put it in my poem.
    Thanx a bunch!

    ~*~ Lisa ~*~
    | Posted on 2006-08-30 00:00:00 | by Nani | [ Reply to This ]
      Again, that style that works so well for you. It flows easily for the reader, and I was pulled in within the first 4 lines. I've been trapped in that attic before and wouldn't have made it out without help (no one needs to know when you go for help!). Have you ever read Musings on my page? Then you'd get an idea (but it is autobiographical and VERY LONG).

    From reading your other works, it seems you've gotten past these feelings - I hope you have. It would be a shame to deprive the world of your talent.
    | Posted on 2006-09-02 00:00:00 | by Lisa Milligan | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

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    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.


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