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    dots Submission Name: Shedots

    Author: b_v_grant
    ASL Info:    23/M/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 125/118/69
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 708
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 562

        Dedicated to my aunt
    Gone, Sadly Missed, But not forgotten

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Down she goes,
    In the hole
    And I cant do anything,
    To save her soul
    In the grave she soon will rest,
    And soon she wont look her best
    Its dark and cold down below
    The thoughts of her,
    All alone
    It kills me now,
    I know she's afraid
    At the point when she was laid
    I know it's sad
    My heart still weeps
    But in my heart
    I will always keep
    The thoughts of her
    And what we have done
    But all I can say now
    Is Aunt....... SO LONG

    Submitted on 2006-08-27 16:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

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    3: meh!
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    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I like it because it's real. It isn't making light of a serious issue, and it's not overkilling it either. It's exactly where it needs to be, and it's obvious that it is exactly the way you feel, and not something thrown together.
    | Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the perspective of this piece. Its more morbid yet more realistic and almost more poignant than the traditional funeral piece. Thanks for commenting on mine by the way, Im glad to see your view.
    | Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again words escape me, fantastic. The goosebumps are back.
    I too am sorry for your loss, your Aunt must have been a very special and much loved person, and though it is a cliché, it is better to have lived and and been loved than to be living today alone.
    A wonderful piece.

    Frann. x
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Effee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is written very sincerely. I like the rhyme, your style and the structure of the poem. You write from a standpoint of someone who has experienced loss, therefore the emotion is honest and touching. Very well done!
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by 4rum | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked it and it is sad when someone leaves this world. i really felt it in this peice though and i am really sorry.

    good write
    keep it up

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      Touching, i felt your loss.
    I'm very sorry this had to happen to you.
    My aunt also died.
    Not just a week ago.
    Good poem.
    Well written
    Write on.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Valle_Siddious | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool, you should change the lines " The thoughts of she" to The thoughts of her (using she is grammaticaly incorrect). Other than that its a cool piece. I am sorry i couldnt come to her funeral.

    Love, Light & Laughter,

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is good it has a very real feel to it. You did an excellent job getting all of the emotions across. I am sorry for your loss she must have been dearly loved.

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]

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