Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Shedots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: b_v_grant
    ASL Info:    23/M/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 125/118/69
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 683
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 562



    Description:
        Dedicated to my aunt
    Gone, Sadly Missed, But not forgotten
    R.I.P


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsShedots
    -------------------------------------------


    Down she goes,
    In the hole
    And I cant do anything,
    To save her soul
    In the grave she soon will rest,
    And soon she wont look her best
    Its dark and cold down below
    The thoughts of her,
    All alone
    It kills me now,
    I know she's afraid
    At the point when she was laid
    I know it's sad
    My heart still weeps
    But in my heart
    I will always keep
    The thoughts of her
    And what we have done
    But all I can say now
    Is Aunt....... SO LONG




    Submitted on 2006-08-27 16:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I like it because it's real. It isn't making light of a serious issue, and it's not overkilling it either. It's exactly where it needs to be, and it's obvious that it is exactly the way you feel, and not something thrown together.
    | Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the perspective of this piece. Its more morbid yet more realistic and almost more poignant than the traditional funeral piece. Thanks for commenting on mine by the way, Im glad to see your view.
    Josh
    | Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again words escape me, fantastic. The goosebumps are back.
    I too am sorry for your loss, your Aunt must have been a very special and much loved person, and though it is a cliché, it is better to have lived and and been loved than to be living today alone.
    A wonderful piece.

    Frann. x
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Effee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is written very sincerely. I like the rhyme, your style and the structure of the poem. You write from a standpoint of someone who has experienced loss, therefore the emotion is honest and touching. Very well done!
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by 4rum | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked it and it is sad when someone leaves this world. i really felt it in this peice though and i am really sorry.

    good write
    keep it up

    Fana
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      Touching, i felt your loss.
    I'm very sorry this had to happen to you.
    My aunt also died.
    Not just a week ago.
    Good poem.
    Well written
    Write on.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Valle_Siddious | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool, you should change the lines " The thoughts of she" to The thoughts of her (using she is grammaticaly incorrect). Other than that its a cool piece. I am sorry i couldnt come to her funeral.

    Love, Light & Laughter,
    Jay.

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is good it has a very real feel to it. You did an excellent job getting all of the emotions across. I am sorry for your loss she must have been dearly loved.

    Selene
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116039

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Starseed written by endlessgame23
    Meaningless Meanings written by ForgottenGraves
    The Want written by Daniel Barlow
    The World written by jjd
    Beauty Rest written by jackz
    Day 6 written by TheStillSilence
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    Night- time written by Daniel Barlow
    Day 5 written by TheStillSilence
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Gaia written by endlessgame23
    Vortex: The Imagination That Is written by KeeperOfLight
    Deep written by Janesaddiction
    Hyle written by endlessgame23
    Honeymoon written by TheStillSilence
    Coversheets written by TheStillSilence
    Loop-di-Loop written by endlessgame23
    The Abyss of Love written by poetotoe
    Ciggarettes written by Poetic_tragedy6
    Verse: written by Daniel Barlow
    Adoration written by TheStillSilence
    To the Artist written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Untitled written by Daniel Barlow
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Reliquary of Writ written by HisNameIsNoMore
    The Human Harmonic written by Daniel Barlow
    In a Corner written by jeniecel
    Across the bed written by expiring_touch
    Compartments written by TheStillSilence

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry