[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Shedots

    Author: b_v_grant
    ASL Info:    23/M/Jamaica
    Elite Ratio:    3.27 - 125/118/69
    Words: 91
    Class/Type: Poetry/
    Total Views: 727
    Average Vote:    4.5000
    Bytes: 562

        Dedicated to my aunt
    Gone, Sadly Missed, But not forgotten

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Down she goes,
    In the hole
    And I cant do anything,
    To save her soul
    In the grave she soon will rest,
    And soon she wont look her best
    Its dark and cold down below
    The thoughts of her,
    All alone
    It kills me now,
    I know she's afraid
    At the point when she was laid
    I know it's sad
    My heart still weeps
    But in my heart
    I will always keep
    The thoughts of her
    And what we have done
    But all I can say now
    Is Aunt....... SO LONG

    Submitted on 2006-08-27 16:06:09     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I like this. I like it because it's real. It isn't making light of a serious issue, and it's not overkilling it either. It's exactly where it needs to be, and it's obvious that it is exactly the way you feel, and not something thrown together.
    | Posted on 2008-04-06 00:00:00 | by hybridsongwrite | [ Reply to This ]
      I like the perspective of this piece. Its more morbid yet more realistic and almost more poignant than the traditional funeral piece. Thanks for commenting on mine by the way, Im glad to see your view.
    | Posted on 2007-10-16 00:00:00 | by MC white | [ Reply to This ]
      Once again words escape me, fantastic. The goosebumps are back.
    I too am sorry for your loss, your Aunt must have been a very special and much loved person, and though it is a cliché, it is better to have lived and and been loved than to be living today alone.
    A wonderful piece.

    Frann. x
    | Posted on 2006-09-26 00:00:00 | by Effee | [ Reply to This ]
      This is written very sincerely. I like the rhyme, your style and the structure of the poem. You write from a standpoint of someone who has experienced loss, therefore the emotion is honest and touching. Very well done!
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by 4rum | [ Reply to This ]
      i really liked it and it is sad when someone leaves this world. i really felt it in this peice though and i am really sorry.

    good write
    keep it up

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by BusterLILblock | [ Reply to This ]
      Touching, i felt your loss.
    I'm very sorry this had to happen to you.
    My aunt also died.
    Not just a week ago.
    Good poem.
    Well written
    Write on.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Valle_Siddious | [ Reply to This ]
      This was cool, you should change the lines " The thoughts of she" to The thoughts of her (using she is grammaticaly incorrect). Other than that its a cool piece. I am sorry i couldnt come to her funeral.

    Love, Light & Laughter,

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Flowerinbloom | [ Reply to This ]
      This poem is good it has a very real feel to it. You did an excellent job getting all of the emotions across. I am sorry for your loss she must have been dearly loved.

    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Selene | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    A Sonnet for Nina written by SavedDragon
    Skin of Fables written by ShadowParadox
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    To written by SavedDragon
    Linger written by saartha
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    May 31 2018 written by Chelebel
    Hollow Points written by RequiemOfDreams
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Be Free written by hybridsongwrite
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    What happens written by Wolfwatching
    Munyonyo written by expiring_touch
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    To the King written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Wavelength written by saartha
    Break Up written by WriteSomething
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Ten Poems written by Wolfwatching
    Fathoms of the Lullaby Sea written by HisNameIsNoMore
    untitled written by Chelebel
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Incubus written by monad
    In the Mouth of Elysium written by HisNameIsNoMore
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    In My Head written by faideddarkness




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]