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    dots Submission Name: Sunset haikudots

    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 5551
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 75


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    dotsSunset haikudots

    gently it fades
    down across the horizon
    colors paint the sky

    Submitted on 2006-08-27 18:10:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      I could picture it all so well. And like Wolverine, I loved how you said that last line. I've wtached the sunset a couple of times, and it's just so beautiful to watch that mix of colors in the sky. Pink, orange, blue, and even a little purple. It is so pretty. I walked outside the other day and the sky was so pink and orange, it looked a little weird standing out there. I can't really desribe it though. It's just something you have to see in person. Great work. You really did a nice job with this haiku. It may look easy to write a haiku, but in reality, it's hard, and you did a grest job describing everything so well in just those few little sentences.

    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nice. The only part I didn't like was "down across the horizon." I know it's possible for something to be both down and across at once, but for some reason it doesn't work for me. Perhaps something like "down into the horizon" would work better. I've always thought sunsets/ rises looked painted.

    Good job,
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny how haikus are so short, and yet so easy to comment on. :P Even if you hadn't put "Sunset" in the title, I'd have still known what you were talking about, which is very, very good.

    Because I wasn't bright enough to associate the title with the words (at first), I was drawn in by the question of "What's 'it?'" The third line is a beautiful example of personifying color. My only suggestion is that you find another type of imagery to make the second line more interesting. Then I'd be drawn in by EVERY line!

    Great job, Smartblond!

    - Aubrie Chihuahuii
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      i love haikus. this one is really neat too. i like the image of the colors painting the sky.

    i agree with the above posters the second line is really the only thing that detracts from the haiku. still, cool visuals from your writing.

    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]

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