Writingpoetry

[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

dotsdots
nav
  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav



    nav
  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav



    << | >>
    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Sunset haikudots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: smartblond
    ASL Info:    18/F/IL
    Elite Ratio:    3.91 - 97/114/33
    Words: 12
    Class/Type: Poetry/Nature
    Total Views: 5514
    Average Vote:    4.0000
    Bytes: 75



    Description:
       


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsSunset haikudots
    -------------------------------------------


    gently it fades
    down across the horizon
    colors paint the sky




    Submitted on 2006-08-27 18:10:28     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      I could picture it all so well. And like Wolverine, I loved how you said that last line. I've wtached the sunset a couple of times, and it's just so beautiful to watch that mix of colors in the sky. Pink, orange, blue, and even a little purple. It is so pretty. I walked outside the other day and the sky was so pink and orange, it looked a little weird standing out there. I can't really desribe it though. It's just something you have to see in person. Great work. You really did a nice job with this haiku. It may look easy to write a haiku, but in reality, it's hard, and you did a grest job describing everything so well in just those few little sentences.

    ~Piper
    | Posted on 2006-09-12 00:00:00 | by PiperH | [ Reply to This ]
      This is nice. The only part I didn't like was "down across the horizon." I know it's possible for something to be both down and across at once, but for some reason it doesn't work for me. Perhaps something like "down into the horizon" would work better. I've always thought sunsets/ rises looked painted.

    Good job,
    Amy
    | Posted on 2006-08-28 00:00:00 | by cuddledumplin | [ Reply to This ]
      Funny how haikus are so short, and yet so easy to comment on. :P Even if you hadn't put "Sunset" in the title, I'd have still known what you were talking about, which is very, very good.

    Because I wasn't bright enough to associate the title with the words (at first), I was drawn in by the question of "What's 'it?'" The third line is a beautiful example of personifying color. My only suggestion is that you find another type of imagery to make the second line more interesting. Then I'd be drawn in by EVERY line!

    Great job, Smartblond!

    - Aubrie Chihuahuii
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Chihuahuii | [ Reply to This ]
      i love haikus. this one is really neat too. i like the image of the colors painting the sky.

    i agree with the above posters the second line is really the only thing that detracts from the haiku. still, cool visuals from your writing.

    | Posted on 2006-09-08 00:00:00 | by The Wolverine | [ Reply to This ]


    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?



    116062

    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Birds of a Feather written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (2) written by endlessgame23
    Relativity written by poetotoe
    Florida's Autumn Solstice written by closetpoet
    The Unicorn written by BlazeFlamme
    Love written by saartha
    I, Plutarch written by HisNameIsNoMore
    // Seasonal Song written by ShadowParadox
    The Poems Death written by Mepoduo
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (1) written by endlessgame23
    My Four Seasons written by faideddarkness
    Comme un lion en avril written by Outlaw
    Redemption written by poetotoe
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (6) written by endlessgame23
    to Be like written by KeeperOfLight
    Tartarus written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (3) written by endlessgame23
    Suffer The Children written by poetotoe
    phantom limbs written by expiring_touch
    (Untitled Song) written by TeslaKoyal
    Dream written by closetpoet
    Journey written by endlessgame23
    Lost Inside the Race written by ForgottenGraves
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth written by endlessgame23
    Shi written by ShyOne
    Cover written by saartha
    Shut Up written by annie0888
    Still Perfectly Flawed written by armand
    Physician, Heal Thyself written by WriteSomething
    Lilitu written by endlessgame23

    Google
     


    poetry

    dotsLogindots

    User Name:

    Password:

    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]


    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems
    Posted

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]



    FontSize:
    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]
     Poetry