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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Motherdots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 621
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 980



    Description:
       Ummm...pretty self explanitory


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsMotherdots
    -------------------------------------------


    Silenced by the silence
    A hundred butchered words
    Only meant to heal me
    But all they do is hurt
    Mother please donít leave me, with raspy lullabies
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who cries for you at night

    Drowned by the drowning
    Of my secret fears
    Only meant to feel
    But mocked for salty tears
    Mother please donít leave me, with fairy tales you told
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who you just need to hold

    Kicked by the kicking
    Broken and bruised
    Only meant to hurt me
    But leaves me feeling used
    Mother please donít leave me, with cut and bloody lips
    Iím your baby girl
    If at all, Iím barely this


    Alone by the loneliness
    A concrete bed
    Only meant to kill me
    But Iím already dead
    Mother please donít leave me, with sorry or I love you
    Iím your baby girl
    I donít believe you




    Submitted on 2006-08-27 19:00:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
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    ||| Comments |||
      Very good, I like the way you incorperate different aspects of life into it. You describe each well and I get where you are coming from with all of it. I don't know what I would change so just leave it the way it is, unless you feel led to change it. ~Ganny
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Ganesa | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty damn good. I like the way each stanza started off except the last one. "Alone by the loneliness" to me should read like this : "Left alone by loneliness". Just a thought.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]
      You go girl. This poem makes me think, of course, of my mother. And I can relate!
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by bigrig0625 | [ Reply to This ]


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