[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Motherdots

    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 600
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 980

       Ummm...pretty self explanitory

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Silenced by the silence
    A hundred butchered words
    Only meant to heal me
    But all they do is hurt
    Mother please donít leave me, with raspy lullabies
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who cries for you at night

    Drowned by the drowning
    Of my secret fears
    Only meant to feel
    But mocked for salty tears
    Mother please donít leave me, with fairy tales you told
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who you just need to hold

    Kicked by the kicking
    Broken and bruised
    Only meant to hurt me
    But leaves me feeling used
    Mother please donít leave me, with cut and bloody lips
    Iím your baby girl
    If at all, Iím barely this

    Alone by the loneliness
    A concrete bed
    Only meant to kill me
    But Iím already dead
    Mother please donít leave me, with sorry or I love you
    Iím your baby girl
    I donít believe you

    Submitted on 2006-08-27 19:00:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very good, I like the way you incorperate different aspects of life into it. You describe each well and I get where you are coming from with all of it. I don't know what I would change so just leave it the way it is, unless you feel led to change it. ~Ganny
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Ganesa | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty damn good. I like the way each stanza started off except the last one. "Alone by the loneliness" to me should read like this : "Left alone by loneliness". Just a thought.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]
      You go girl. This poem makes me think, of course, of my mother. And I can relate!
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by bigrig0625 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Our Cinder Crisis written by SavedDragon
    Trails written by Daniel Barlow
    Summer Nights written by ollie_wicked
    One Thing written by Wolfwatching
    Pressure written by hybridsongwrite
    Sunset written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Song written by Daniel Barlow
    Linger written by saartha
    Once Again written by krs3332003
    Summer written by layDsayD
    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Love Can Be... written by HAVENSMITH92
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    It's Night Now written by RisingSon
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    The Song on Your Guitar written by SavedDragon
    Treasure Chest written by PieceOfCake
    Deaf Dumb and Blind is no excuse written by poetotoe
    This written by Chelebel
    Hopelessly Blind written by ForgottenGraves
    Wish written by Daniel Barlow
    Incubus written by monad
    Wasps written by Wolfwatching
    To written by SavedDragon
    In My Head written by faideddarkness
    Pain, an elixir. written by Ramneet
    Giving written by jjd
    Wavelength written by saartha




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]