[ Join Free! ]
(No Spam mail)

  • RolePlay
  • Join Us
  • Writings
  • Shoutbox
  • Community
  • Digg Mashup
  • Mp3 Search
  • Online Education
  • My Youtube
  • Ear Training
  • Funny Pics
  • nav

  • Role Play
  • Piano Music
  • Free Videos
  • Web 2.0
  • nav

    << | >>

    dots Submission Name: Motherdots

    Author: deathbelow
    Elite Ratio:    2.7 - 34/43/17
    Words: 157
    Class/Type: Poetry/Serious
    Total Views: 551
    Average Vote:    5.0000
    Bytes: 980

       Ummm...pretty self explanitory

    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.


    Silenced by the silence
    A hundred butchered words
    Only meant to heal me
    But all they do is hurt
    Mother please donít leave me, with raspy lullabies
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who cries for you at night

    Drowned by the drowning
    Of my secret fears
    Only meant to feel
    But mocked for salty tears
    Mother please donít leave me, with fairy tales you told
    Iím your baby girl,
    Who you just need to hold

    Kicked by the kicking
    Broken and bruised
    Only meant to hurt me
    But leaves me feeling used
    Mother please donít leave me, with cut and bloody lips
    Iím your baby girl
    If at all, Iím barely this

    Alone by the loneliness
    A concrete bed
    Only meant to kill me
    But Iím already dead
    Mother please donít leave me, with sorry or I love you
    Iím your baby girl
    I donít believe you

    Submitted on 2006-08-27 19:00:07     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!

    ||| Comments |||
      Very good, I like the way you incorperate different aspects of life into it. You describe each well and I get where you are coming from with all of it. I don't know what I would change so just leave it the way it is, unless you feel led to change it. ~Ganny
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by Ganesa | [ Reply to This ]
      Pretty damn good. I like the way each stanza started off except the last one. "Alone by the loneliness" to me should read like this : "Left alone by loneliness". Just a thought.

    Keep up the good work.
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by EseanB | [ Reply to This ]
      You go girl. This poem makes me think, of course, of my mother. And I can relate!
    | Posted on 2006-08-27 00:00:00 | by bigrig0625 | [ Reply to This ]

    Think Feedback more than Compliments :: [ Guidelines ]

    1. Be honest.
    2. Try not to give only compliments.
    3. How did it make you feel?
    4. Why did it make you feel that way?
    5. Which parts?
    6. What distracted from the piece?
    7. What was unclear?
    8. What does it remind you of?
    9. How could it be improved?
    10. What would you have done differently?
    11. What was your interpretation of it?
    12. Does it feel original?


    Be kind, take a few minutes to review the hard work of others <3
    It means a lot to them, as it does to you.

    Bee Keeper written by endlessgame23
    4th of July written by layDsayD
    Or are we written in the sand? written by Chelebel
    Devils in the Details written by endlessgame23
    Supernatural Cowboy Sleuth (7) written by endlessgame23
    Primitive Lapse written by Crestfallenman
    4th Season of Vivaldi written by HisNameIsNoMore
    Blood Stains Are The Worst written by ForgottenGraves
    new moon written by CrypticBard
    Your Lover written by Cordell
    PEARL (Exclusive Poem) 10th Anniversary... written by Cordell
    102.3 written by rev.jpfadeproof
    Before, Now, & After written by SincerWritinAsh
    Neither Here nor There written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    cleverly shunned written by CrypticBard
    You do, I Do written by poetotoe
    Whiteout written by layDsayD
    written by Daniel Barlow
    I will call out your name written by RisingSon
    AI written by poetotoe
    Still Fighting See? written by ForgottenGraves
    Bond written by saartha
    True Death written by layDsayD
    More then just goodbye written by faideddarkness
    Brigit written by endlessgame23
    The Severed Head written by HisNameIsNoMore
    written by Daniel Barlow
    Estranged / Shocks written by Daniel Barlow
    written by Daniel Barlow




    User Name:


    [ Quick Signup ]
    [ Lost Password ]

    January 10 07
    131,497 Poems

    I have 14,000+ Subscribers on Youtube. See my Video Tutorials

    [ Angst Poetry ]
    [ Cutters ]
    [ Famous Poetry ]
    [ Poetry Scams ]

    [ Smaller ] [ Bigger ]