Description: Somewhere on this site Jase wrote in part of a sentence that went, "He prays his past... " I can't remember the rest of the sentence, what poem it was or even what he was actually referring to, but it made me think of e e cummings's "anyone lived in an anyhow town."
He prays his past with lie and sorry and remember
God answers know, yes, forgive
He prays his now with help and thanks and no
God answers wait, faith, do
He prays his tomorrow with hope and will and keep
God answers now, all ... shhh.
One suggestion for line 5 is to change “will” to “shall”, unless I’ve misunderstood: Perhaps by “will” you mean “willpower” rather than mere future intention. This has a most unique approach. At first reading, I thought the language sloppy, but as I got into it and analyzed it, it’s remarkably tight and well thought out. I can almost feel your beginning inspiration in the alliterative phrase, “He prays his past...” There’s really little to nitpick here. You’ve already gone over this in admirable detail. fred
Annie, this was so different from most other poems that I had to re read it. I had to absorb the fact that the words that didn't go into a sentence were, in actuality, words that made up ideas. Once I got that part down, I read it even ONE MORE time. It was then that I saw into the depth that you put into this piece. You formed round, dimensional ideas with the three-word connection, and semi-dialogue between 'he' and 'God,' and they built up a sense of solitude, like this was a singel moment. I really liked how God answered in accordance to each word-"lie/know, sorry/yes, remember/forgive" They weren't so direct in relationship to eachother that you actually creates the sense of a silent conversation, and I automatically made it up in my head. These words are just parts of what was actually going on. A fave, admirable indeed. I need to read things like this, for spiritual sake.