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    poetry


    dots Submission Name: Liquor of the Minddots
    --------------------------------------------------------





    Author: giventofly
    ASL Info:    19/M/Seattle, Washington
    Elite Ratio:    5.22 - 74/75/27
    Words: 108
    Class/Type: Poetry/Love
    Total Views: 1059
    Average Vote:    No vote yet.
    Bytes: 766



    Description:
       More than anything, this piece deals with a man entirely enthralled with his perfect match... but his own mental and emotional organism refuses to let him enjoy the intoxication for long and too soon experiences a "love hangover".


    Make the font bigger!! Double Spacing Back to recent posts.

    dotsLiquor of the Minddots
    -------------------------------------------


    It’s always this way
    when nothing is everything.
    When the night carries these tones
    and breaths
    that wash away The Past’s
    empty, hanging heat,
    it feels again.

    How can one dispel
    this liquor of the mind?
    After all…
    when accord is ruptured
    with the sight of the first
    morning sun,
    only one can understand the
    subtle guile that comes
    with such fatigue.

    So now what?

    When the call is never heard,
    and the matchless
    wander the sea
    and the kiss
    of disparaging, riotous quests
    lies in a tepid pool of blood,
    what can save him?

    Time?

    …or the contents of it?




    Submitted on 2006-08-29 05:19:52     Terms of Service / Copyright Rules
    Submissions: [ Previous ] [ Next ]

    Rate This Submission

    1: >_<
    2: I dunno...
    3: meh!
    4: Pretty cool
    5: Wow!




    ||| Comments |||
      The free form of the poem is smooth and the breaks are natural (something I always have trouble with). The language too was incredible.

    However,
    comparing your description and your poem there is only a thread of connection. I'd like to see more put in about the two people and their interaction. To me the poem seems more like how a guy talked to a girl all night, got blown off and doesn't know how to deal with it.

    I'm not saying this isn't good, in fact, if I said that it would be a lie. But right now what you're trying to say and what you wrote do not match up!

    Best of luck my dear,
    Audrey
    | Posted on 2007-08-01 00:00:00 | by AlmostEloquent | [ Reply to This ]


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    January 10 07
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